today we are putting my husbands ashes inthe cemetery overlooking the fields he used. to walk our dog in.he dropped dead totally unexpected on 29/12/2024 in front of myself,sister and my 2 autistic sons.cannot believe we have had cremation,memorial,seen him in undertakers dealt with mountain of paperwork. my father. also died on March 10th. am still stunned and totally exhausted. thoughts with everyone in same position.
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I am so sorry that is absolutely horrendous.
I am not surprised that you are stunned and exhausted.
My thoughts are with you today.
Hugs Doreen xxx
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My husband died on the 6th January 2025, I cared for his for the last 18 months of his life, he had liver failure. I found him on the 6th, he has died peacefully in his sleep, I’m pleased he didn’t suffer but I feel guilty that he died alone.
Despite having found him, performed CPR on him, had his cremation and I now have his ashes at home I struggle to believe he is gone forever. Nothing seems real anymore, it’s like I am playing a part in a film.
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I still have my husbands ashes at home even though it’s almost a year since he died. I don’t yet know what to do. It may be because he died suddenly, out of the blue, with no warning, so it’s taking me a long time to process what has happened.
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Some people keep them and put them in attractive ornamentaĺ urns.
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I have had some of my husband’s ashes used in a blown glass penguin ornament and a heart. I bought his mum a robin with his ashes in, they are gorgeous and tactile.
Andy wanted his ashes to be scattered in a special place that he chose, when I’m ready I will do that.
Andy, my husbands name too, wanted his ashes to be scattered at sea so thats what I expect to do eventually. It just hasn’t felt to be the right time yet.
I know what you mean when you say that nothing seems real anymore. ‘Normal’ life no longer exists.
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I was worried Andys Mum and sister would want them scattered as soon as I got them back, they scattered other family ashes within a day or two. Andy’s brothers wife died and it took him 3 years to scatter them, he has said whenever feels right with me. I hope you scatter your Andys ashes when you are ready.
Sometime I am even questioning if life was real before Andy died. Everything feels flat and not real.
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Suzannel, I do under stand, I looked after my darling wife for years, she had Parkinson’s diagnosed way back in 1994. It is a progressive disease so the level of care gradually went up. You have cared for husband for 18 months leaves you with a huge hole in both your life and your time, it is very difficult to fill. I just wondered why I was still here it was as though I had no purpose. In my village they run a Bereavement Cafe once a month which I have found helpful. This group, on here, have all been through the hard loss of their partner and understand, Do come on here for a chat and maybe even a ramble, we all do it and it does seem to help. Wish I could give you a Hug.
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Thank you Rob05. I get to upset talking and just cry and can’t get my words out. I have heard there is a bereavement group near me so I might go there at a later date. It’s reassuring that people understand as they have been through their own grief journey.
Thinking of you xx
I belong to a bereavement group now, but am further along this path than you. It started with going on a 7 x2 hours course called ‘The Bereavement Journey’ These courses are often run by churches. There may be one near you. After the course finished we now meet once a month for coffee and chat and we have a WhatsApp group. There are people from 2 previous courses as well as mine and I’m finding it really helpful to meet others who have been bereaved. Worth looking out for when you are ready xx
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Thank you, I shall have a look. I’m pleased it is helping you.
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