My husband died in June after a diagnosis of Merkel cell carcinoma in August last year. Merkel cell is an extremely aggressive cancer, and our local hospital did nothing for three months until the November. No treatment, no keeping in contact, no nothing. When I rang to ask for help as his pain increased and he started to hallucinate due to the amount of morphine he was on, they dismissed me. I largely blame his death on their failure to provide any care at all as the cancer spread unchecked for 3 months even though they knew it was one of the more aggressive ones.
I am so incredibly angry, I struggle to keep it together. I made a complaint to the same hospital 5 years ago about my own cancer treatment which they also screwed up, so know that’s a waste of my time and the response, if anything like the one I received, would probably cause me to lose what little control I have left and do something I’d regret. So, how do I deal with the anger? What works? What can help me get back to myself?
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. That sounds really difficult, and it’s normal to feel angry. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
This was my second posting. I posted asking for help on how to get the hospital to do something whilst he was still alive and got no response at all, so I deleted it i the end. I don’t seem to meet forum member’s demographic of person to interact with I guess. Thanks for your response though, and bye
Hello, there does seem to be many cases where we are failed by the hospitals, too little staff or the wrong type of staff lacking compassion?
I raised a complaint and the care was reviewed by the hospital, I did however feel that the GP, the hospital & whoever you take your complaint to higher really just all back each other so I didn’t feel I got anywhere.
The only thing that helped me was that my husbands cancer was very aggressive & rarely caught early as by the time there are symptoms it’s too late so the delays wouldn’t have changed the outcome.
The other thing that helped me was knowing I did my best trying to get the best care for my husband and he knew I had his corner.
I wonder if moving to an American style of healthcare may be better in that we pay an insurance policy & receive healthcare that way, would the care be better resourced/staffed?
In the US, there are different agencies to file complaints against a hospital. As for a specific physician, good luck. If it’s a major malpractice, then an attorney I would guess. If it’s a nurse, here you can file a complaint w/the specific state’s nursing board.
Every complaint counts. Even if you don’t read the response, you’ve had your say, and it will be noted.
I put in a complaint to primary care about my dad’s care. The response has indeed angered me. They’ve actually accused me of making a ‘serious allegation’, which was that most people who reviewed my dad weren’t medically qualified. The legal definition of a medically qualified person is someone who has a medical degree from a Who-recognised University, and a licence to practise medicine in their country. Most people who saw my dad were nurses or paramedics by background and hence they aren’t, by legal définition, medically qualified. So, their response was rude, disproportionate and factually incorrect. But I’m glad I sent in the complaint, even if they are too arrogant to see sense.
In answer to your question about American healthcare, absolutely not. They are for profit. American healthcare is the worst in the developed world. Keeping things public and funded properly, like in Germany and France, is the only way.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband died last year from an undiagnosed cancer. I too am so angry and have made a complaint. Sorry this reply is of no help to you but I wanted to let you know I fully understand your anger and frustration.
