Just escorted relatives to a nearby hotel the night before my beloved husband’s funeral in the morning. Racked by guilt that I have opened a bottle of wine on my own. So much emotional anticipation about tomorrow especially now dark has fallen. How do I keep it together and speak my tribute to honour him in the best way I can. I am still the perpetual people pleaser
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Try not to feel guilty for opening a bottle of wine, now is not the time you should be judging yourself. You have to cope with with one of the hardest days of your life tomorrow so if a bottle of wine helps just do it. I personally found the anticipation of the funeral far worse than the actual day. The day passes in a blur and you get through it and if you can’t then that’s ok. If you are unable to speak your tribute have somebody on standby to do it for you. It’s surprising where our inner strength comes from in times of need and you will be surrounded with love and support
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LynT, your thoughtful response of support is more welcome than a glass of wine. I hope’ the anticipation is worse than the precious emotional moments of goodbye. I think to see his coffin and the image of that is already a preemptive one. I might have said, before on this thread, I have a stammer so my thoughts and feelings are compounded by that. I’m not scared by thinking it’s his last day on earth and of my speech letting me and ultimately him down. That inner strength you mention, I hope that will be mine tomorrow
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Sorry, I meant I am scared about facing his last day on earth and my speech letting both of us down *
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It is more unreal than scary, you are still processing the shock of your loss and that strangely protects us from the full force of grieving. The funeral won’t sink in. Our brain can’t register it. You can’t let either of you down because the love you had for each other holds you up just like it did when he was here. Try and get some rest as all of this is emotionally and physically draining and it will be a long day. You will be ok
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@Pooka1968
I agree with everything @LynT has said so well.
I was very apprehensive as I’m the quiet one, he was the socially capable one. One thing that helped me was that I knew everything that was going to happen, what the coffin was like, what the music and readings were, there were no emotional surprises which there were for everyone else. I just went onto autopilot. Everyone expects you to cope less well than you actually do. And yes it went by in a blur. It is the same length as any other day, it will be over soon enough.
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Thank you so so much indeed. The same length of day to any other’ rang true. I know, we can feel the watched’ at these times. I am the quiet one too. I simply want to bring my beloved home the day after
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I know exactly where you are coming from. My Steves funeral was 3wks ago. I was dreading it but as others have said it was a bit of a blur. I do know we gave him a fabulous send off I personally could not read my tribute the celebrant did it. Both my kids
managed theirs. Ive found im grieving more now the funeral is over its just so bloody difficult. Ive said many times I could be in a room with 100 people and still feel alone. I loved him so much xxxxx
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Pooka, the worst part of the funeral is the planning of it because it has to start immediately after our husband dies, when we need to be led by the hand. The event itself is a blur and I only have flashes of faces and no idea what I said to anyone. My husband didn’t look anything like himself and I thought I was taken to the wrong funeral parlor. Surely, this was some other person.
It was my birthday, the last I would spend with him at my side.
When it was all over, there was a huge weight lifted. Everything my husband wanted at his funeral was done. I was very proud that I could give it to him. The stress, anxiety, furious planning, selecting, writing, and scheduling was over. Job well done.
Sure, I ugly cried, but no one cared and all expected it.
How are you now that it is over?
Much love.