My journey after losing my wonderful soulmate

Coping with bereavement
1

I lost my darling wife Linda 16 months ago in December 2020. We had been together for 50 fantastic years and married for 47 of them. Linda was born in Edinburgh Scotland and her whole family moved to Hampshire when she was about 8 years old. I’m a Yorkshire lad.

The first few weeks up to the funeral were rather numbing and upsetting, kept very busy sorting things out. Up to the funeral my daughter had been staying with me and we were a comfort to each other. Christmas was really hard Linda used to always organize the Christmas festivities and do the invites and cards etc., and I was completely lost.

After the funeral when everything calmed down this for me became the worst and hardest time, at this time I would have given anything to have been able to join Linda, also this was the time when I started to reflect and go back down memory lane, about the time we met, it wasn’t planned we were introduced to each other by an army friend and his wife, Linda was 17, and I was 20 and not looking for love or any commitments because I was in the army, but it happened, and it was the best thing in my life meeting her. Looking back on things was very distressing and painful; lots of tears and heartache, my daughter and I would set each other off for the seemingly smallest thing, a song, a picture, a thought. I hated coming home to an empty and lifeless home this went on for about 6 months.

12 months later things are looking a little brighter, I can look back with fond memories of the life we shared together, look at photos and smile with fondness, and remember those perfect days we shared together. She gave me 2 beautiful children a boy and a girl whom we both adore and love, I go out with my daughter twice a week and my son calls down 2 to 3 times a week. I still hate coming home to an empty house.

I still love and miss my Linda very much and I always will, the tears still come out of the blue for no apparent reason. The other week I found the letters we had written to each other whilst I was in the army, that didn’t half bring back some long forgotten beautiful memories, although we were apart a lot in the early years I think this made our bond together stronger. I find solace and calmness when I visit the cemetery where she is buried I go about twice a week with fresh flowers.

I’m not yet sure if I would like a companion to share my life with, but if it’s going to happen then it will. We talked about this subject Linda was adamant she didn’t want or need anyone else; I couldn’t make my mind up but she was happy for me to do so.
I’m just so very glad Linda doesn’t have to go through this horrible experience, even though she was a much stronger person than me, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

Everyone keep strong out there I know it’s hard. Sorry about the length of this posting have reduced it as much as possible.
I wrote this about 7 weeks ago but decided not to post it, I still miss her very much and it’s very hard carrying on without her.

16 Likes
2

Hi Bazb.
Just about sums up my situation. and the words reflect what i feel, my lovely wife was Linda as well.
Stay strong. John.

1 Like
3

My husband of 37 years was called Alan. He died in September 2021 of a sudden heart attack. Like the Tina Turner song he was ‘Simply the Best’. We had three lovely grown up children 2 sons and a daughter who live locally and have been very supportive since their dad passed. I had our daughters wedding in May and our first grandchild is due in December. Milestones that my husband would have relished. I feel too young to be a widow at 62. Have no idea what I want to do in the future but being alone after 40 years is so hard. I met my husband at 21. I feel for everyone in this horrible situation.

7 Likes
4

Hi Murphy1.
It is so hard to deal with but it is good that like me your close family are supportive, without them i would not have coped as they kept me trying to be positive which in the early days was not possible.
John.

1 Like
5

I’m sure we all agree this is such a hard journey. I miss my wonderful husband John so much. He was the love of my life. He died of Covid shortly after his 59th birthday. We had 37 happy years together. We have 3 lovely children & 2 grandchildren who will never get to know their fun loving grandad. I too find it hard to think about the future without him here, it’s just so hard! :cry:

3 Likes
6

I’m with you mate , I felt you when I read that .
I’m only 2 months in and fumbling around thinking /panicking what my future holds , I’m only 54 .

I can’t think of a life without my Mandy but it’s here I can’t change it , ive so long to live hopefully but at times like today I think what’s the point .

Take care buddy

3 Likes
7

Hi Glenn54

I’m now 19 months down the line, I’m 74 and in good health, I’ve wondered myself what the future holds for me, I wish I had a crystal ball. No matter what I do or where I go Linda is always with me in my thoughts. I get jealous when I see other couples out and about and think that should be Linda and myself, and I know I shouldn’t be thinking that way.

When I go to bed at night I always ask Linda to come and get me, it does get a little easier in time but I don’t think it will ever go away for me.

Take care

8 Likes
8

Hi Jade600

Thank you for your reply, I think most people who have lost someone close to them, goes through a simular experience I know it’s not the same for everyone who is grieving.

Take care, Barry.

9

Hi Wendy0

I agree it is a very hard journey, we were together for 50 wonderful years, I would love to do it all again.
Linda died after being in the hospital for 7 weeks, we wasn’t allowed to visit her at all because of covid, and she was unable to communicate with family for most of that time, she was 69 when she died.
We have 2 children and 3 grandchildren they all knew Linda and she adored them.
Take care

3 Likes
10

Oh Barry …reading that you ask Linda to come and get you every night when you go to bed is just the same for me.

It’s been 17 months since I lost my Ian and I have good family & friends but at night time I often say “please come for me tonight”…although he never does and it means another day of waking up with heartache.

I do feel better in lots of ways, but the deep sadness of losing a soulmate is something I’ll have to live with for however long I have left.

Take care, Janey x

3 Likes
11

Hi.
I was fortunately able to look after my Linda at home right until the end so i really feel for you not to see your loved one, must have been terrible for you both.
Kind thoughts John.

1 Like
12

Sorry to hear thatBarry. Yes I think that was one of the hardest things. My John died of Covid, no underlying health conditions. He was in intensive care for 8 days, but I couldn’t go and see him. No goodbyes… just gone! They let us see him when he died, I missed him by 20 minutes.

I hope you all can find a way forward carrying this grief
Take care of yourselves x

13

Hi
Everything you said is so true for me too
I’m 11 years down the journey as a widow after my husband of 35years died suddenly at the age of 52 which I still say is no age to pass away from ‘natural causes’ as the coroner decided. It’s just so hard to accept as we were supposed to grow old together
I too feel bitter when I see older couples walking hand in hand so happy! It’s the little things like that that you don’t expect to be feeling. I’m 63 now and retired but still so sad to be alone in our house.
I have to shake myself and day Tina you are luckier than a lot of people as I have my health and 2 lovely children and a 1 year old grandson who is my world
Take care xx

1 Like
14

I totally understand how you feel. I lost my beloved husband 2 years ago and for me it isn’t getting any better. We were together for for 52 years and married for 47. He was 68 when he died. I’m not sure how much longer I can go on without him. I have no family who care and I’m left with a few good friends but I go home to an empty house. I haven’t slept properly since I lost him. Waking up in the morning is the worst time when I feel I can’t face another day without him.

1 Like
15

Hi Laraine

Welcome to the group, I lost my wife Linda Dec 2020 so about 20 months she died at the age of 69. Unlike you, I have my family around I can’t imagine what it would be to carry on without them. That’s one of the worst things for me as well coming home to an empty house. Every night I ask Linda to come and get me but of course, she doesn’t, and the misery drags on.

Linda was born in Edinburgh and came to England when she was about 8 years old, I’m glad she did or I would never have met her we had a wonderful 50 years together, she used to love going back to Scotland on holiday

Barry x

1 Like
16

I feel just the same as you all in one way or another. I lost my husband 5 months ago suddenly of a heart attack
Some days life seems pointless other days I try hard to be grateful for what I have.
One thing is certain life will never be the same for me.
I miss my husband of 44years .one than words can say and just like a couple of you have said there are days I just want to join him

2 Likes
17

Hi Laraine.
Welcome, I feel for you not having family close to you, i like you don`t have many friends as we were so wrapped up in each and other all of them are a couples.
My close family helped me so much when my Linda passed, i still feel lost at times and wonder who i am without her.
All the best John.

1 Like
19

Thank you Barry. I’m just not coping. :cry::broken_heart:

20

Hi @laraine.g1. I’m sorry to hear you are struggling - though, to be fair, which one of us doesn’t have a struggling day every now and again?

I noticed you’d mentioned not sleeping in your post and while there is absolutely nothing we can do to make us un-bereaved, perhaps your GP could help with the sleep issue?
Sleep deprivation is used to torture folk so, ever likely you feel like you don’t have enough emotional strength and energy left to help you cope with your grief if you aren’t getting adequate rest.
Take care.

21

Thank you for your message. My story is awful. Paul and I were married for 47 years and had lived happily in our family home for 41 years. Young thugs of 24 moved in beside us. They made our lives miserable. We were threatened with violence, our garden was vandalised, flowers trampled , garden pots overturned and our car was damaged - the list is endless. Every time we called in the Police we got the harassment back 10 fold. On the advice of our lawyer, we sold our beloved home. Three days later, the first lockdown was imposed and we were unable to proceed with the purchase of our new home. We found ourselves homeless, living in a succession of Airbnbs during the lockdowns. The stress was too much for my gentle Paul and he suffered a severe brain bleed due to the stress of our situation. Two days later his life support was switched off. I’ve had to cope with his sudden death, no home and the pandemic restrictions. I miss him so much and feel that if we hadn’t been driven from our home and for the circumstances we then found ourselves in, he would still be here. I’m lost without him. :cry::broken_heart:

4 Likes