It is just over a year ago that I lost my mum after she suffered from a massive stroke and never regained consciousness. She passed away on the 3rd March 2020 at Queen Elizabeth hospital Kings Lynn and she was in hospital for 3 days.
I was lucky enough to be with her shortly before she passed away. My parents moved up there from Dorking Surrey to near Wisbech Cambridgeshire and I live in Leatherhead Surrey.
It is just coming upto her 88th birthday on the 21st May I just wish she was still here and lately I just keep breaking down in tears. I really loved her and I just want her back. I know that I can still speak to my dad and my elder sister but it is just not the same.
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Losing our mums really is sh*t. Beyond that. Devastating, disorientating, overwhelming and life-changing. I lost my mum 5 1/2 years ago and I still crave everything about her; smell, warmth, hugs, even being told off! 
I’m not going to lie and say the usual cliché of “time heals”, coz it doesn’t. But what it allowed me to get used to a different sort of life, one without her in it.
You do think of them less as time passes, and I only had any strength because I had to think of what my mum would’ve said to me…”it’s ok to cry, but not for too long” and then, later “come on now darling…”
Birthdays and anniversaries suck to start with, so I use massive big distraction techniques like work a long day, or get another tattoo, or visit something pretty.
I promise it will get better, tears won’t fall quite as much, and somehow all the people we hate - the ones our mums’ ages who still walk around - just become people.
Christina Rossetti wrote a beautiful poem called “Remember Me” (find it, it says everything), and the end says “better by far you should forget and smile, than remember and be sad”.
I hope you manage just one day at a time darling…we all learn to walk with baby steps. Never try too hard, or do too much, or be too brave. You’ll get there, maybe changed a little with a weeny hole where your mum was, but you WILL get there.
Much much love
Cat xx
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Hi Steve
So sorry to read your story. I am currently going through the same thing but with my dad. He had a stroke also and never woke up after having the surgery to try and help him. I am so heartbroken and not sure how to get over the shock of losing someone so suddenly. I feel so angry that this could happen in such a cruel way. I begin counselling tomorrow and I know it’s still very early days for me but I just really hope it can help to talk to someone outside of my family. I hope you manage to find some help on here too to help you through this really difficult time.
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Thank you for your kind reply I have been getting councilling through Sue Ryder. I have been getting help from Sue Gold and she has been such a lovely lady and been helping me.
I don’t know how I would have got through any of it without Sue Ryder.
Oh Anne - I think you may have something that could help me! I have photos of my mum around, visible wherever I sit, and sometimes I do pass one and say, “hello mummy”, but “see you soon” has something more sort of positive about it.
Thank you
Cat x
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