nothing can prepare you for losing the love of your life.nothing seems to ease the pain,nothing anyone says will end the emptiness i feel every day.i would give anything to have the love of my life with me again.knowing the life you had mapped out will never come to fruition,knowing the most important person every to enter your life is no longer with you.then finding out your going be out on your ear as a non married partner means nothing in this modern world.you have very little if any rites.i was to all intense and purposes a male house wife who did what ever needed doing around the house washing cleaning shopping cooking etc etc etc ,we planned to sell the house and move to Brixham,as it was the place were we had so much fun.and we wouldnt of needed any where else as everything we needed to make us happy was there.Now im in a postion[only found out yesterday as i was walking to the doctors] the pensions people rang me asking questions,id filled the forms in which had been sent to me,i was told that i was named on an expression of wish for 3 months ago,i didnt know what it was or much about it.but was told by person on the phone that her parents had filled said forms in to,not that money will make the loss of jayne any easier,but i was hoping to have enough to buy a burial plot for myself and Jayne ,maybe be able put a bench and plaque in Jaynes memory in Brixham were we loved to holiday.having read other non married individuals posts over last few days or so,it seems any family member as way more rites and entitlement to penions etc than any bereaved non married partner.no matter how long you were together.so im now preparing myself for getting nothing at all.cannot feel any worse than i do at losing the love of my life.could be i will be with Jayne very soon.
been told be pensions trustee that she will phone me next tuesday,with info regarding the time scale and if decisions are ready to be acted upon,im not holding my breath as i was told 2 months ago that expression of wishes are nigh on guaranteed to be paid to the person named,well im not sure im going get anything which means my wish for buying a burial plot for me and Jayne wont happen ,
Thank you Bristles.i agree that nothing will ever change the effects on my heart of losing my dream girl the lady who waltzed into my life in 1991 and changed my life for the good,and she was everything a man could ever want.Jayne i love you more than words could ever convey.thank you again Bristles ,maybe one day the pain wont cut like a knife through my heart.
hi Bristles
yes only those whove lost the love of your lives can really understand the know the pain we are all going through,one of my oldest friends texted me after 3 weeks saying i should do what Jayne would of wanted and move on and look forward to the future,i responded by texting i was far from coping and in no way was i handling the loss of Jayne,and told him like my friend i lost my dad and i was sad and emotional and i lost my sister aged 9 when i was 21 and was very emotional but theres no comparison to the pain and sense of loss im going through when i lost Jayne,she was my world.i told him i hope he doesnt have to go through this.so many whove not had the absolute misfotunre of losing the most important person ever to come into their lives will never understand unless they go through it.not that im wishing them to have to find out that way.sorry if it dont make sense i just type whats on my mind and post.thank you again Bristles for your responses,much appreciated,regards Ian
This was something out of the blue I was faced with as Richard had literally taken over everything, he had done that since the day we moved in together 17 years ago, I never needed for anything, the food, the bills, the lifts to my MS social gathering, the hairdressers, the dentist, local doctors - hospital appointments as and when…everything my Richard had taken over, to say my life had been easy and spoilt well I am back in the real world, I was phoning the various companies-bills that Richard took care of, if their is any advice I can offer is, take advantage and ask for their bereavement department, I never realised some of our utilities have what they call a bereavement department but at least they understand our situation and have empathy and will do everything in the effort to help us when taking over the necessary home bills, etc etc…
Jackie…
thank you for you input.but im all the debts etc have been sorted,especially the ones down milton keynes were we had a flat that Jayne used for work,i sorted it withing a week or to with constant phone calls to every one i could find .but the house was done by jaynes siter inlaw and she did a pathetic job,ive ended up having contact every one again to make sure they are sorted.having jaynes mum giving me grief and now pushing for the pensions shows how sick and greedy some families are,i mean if jayne was able answer the question why she works so hard and were she wants her house etc go would be no contest would be me,not that id be happy as without Jayne no amount of money can compensate me for losing my best friend lover and soul mate.
hopefully next Tuesday i will hear some news regarding the trustees and then decide if i need to contest what they have decided to do.
Ahh Milton Keynes, not far from where we were 3 plus years ago…we were in a village just a couple of M1 junctions away heading towards the south…I often wish we had never left there…
i only went down a few times over the years,firstly Jayne worked in aylesbury,and was in an hotel then we got a flat in newport pagnell they 2006ish milton keynes.im from nottingham oroginally now i live in cheshire
I was born in Edinburgh but I am not Scottish I am British,…lived in Hertfordshire only moving to Bedfordshire to set up home with Richard, then moving here to Dorset soon after my MS diagnoses as I needed to give up a house with stairs and a bath for a place with more one level and more space-move-ability and with a shower…I had always said to Richard nothing would ever take me away from our house, I absolutely loved our back garden, so full of life, the birds the dogs and so much trees, shrubs, bushes, flowers and colour, with a field to our back with cows in…I had absolutely everything I ever needed, I had my Richard, we were both a tad younge and fitter in those days, well not so long ago, everything started to go down hill over these last 3 or 4 years…I still never expected what was to take place 11th April…even though as I have previously mentioned it was also an 11th April when I was diagnosed with my MS, also an 11th April when I lost one of my darling furbabies…
Jackie…
sorry for your loss and health issues,like so many on this site im not coping and having responses to your posts is nice that somebody as shown a slight interest as to totally ignoring some one.i have noticed that several topics each day are totally ignored.i try post on those if i can think of anything to post.its not easy.
hopefully be able sort a bench and memorial plaque out for Jayne to be put in a scenic place in Brixham.i love Jayne with all my heart and a day will never pass when your not to the fore front of my thought.
I think we are torn between doing what we want and doing what our partner would want…I had often tried broaching the subject of death, Richard was not a conservationist, nor did he like it when I broached on the subject of death…All I knew was that he wanted to be cremated, he wasn’t even bothered whether his ashes are scattered here in Dorset or scattered-sent back home but I told him I would get him back home as I knew that was where he belonged…
Same as it was all left to me to arrange his funeral service, ( had no help whatsoever from any of his family back home, apart from they did travel to Dorset for the service, ) something I have never ever been faced with yet I part thought of what he would have wanted, added a touch of what i wanted, like Frank Sinatra " I did it my way…"
Jackie…
glad you had the choice Jackie,i didnt,when my partner passed i was present and i was in no fit state to do much i just said i wanted be with Jayne when i died,little realising that Ann[Jaynes mother]didnt like me or want me with Jayne.and when she organised the funeral the father who was going perform the service didnt even know i existed or that Jayne had partner never mind that it was 28 years,its only because i was told by ann i could not do a eulogy because i was a head mourner,good job i did go see him,i was with Karen whose was Jaynes best friend .after we had seen the father Karen had phone call off Ann accusing me of all sorts or crap.any way karen didnt believe the crap coming from anns mouth and it ended up with me being able do a eulogy and my name was on the service leaflet.[added at the bottom]after the funeral ive had crap without retaliating as jayne loved her parents,if she could see how they have all been treating me she would be very angry with them.any way im hoping get some ashes of Jaynes then buy a burial plot for me but put Jayne in first and me later ,cant see that being long as im far from handling the loss of the lady i loved more than i could love anyone.
Ian…
…I too am an outsider in Richards family, I wonder what Richard would have thought if he knew how little part they played in his funeral, which was nothing, apart from me keeping his older sister informed of the funeral arrangements, the date etc,think my Richard would have been proud of my achievement, I done it for his benefit not for his families benefit…I done it my-our way, and I am proud of how it all went but must add, I never ever want to find myself in a situation like this ever again…
Jackie…
Jackie,some familes are mnoey grabbing selfish ÂŁ$ÂŁ%%"ÂŁ$s and if there is justice in the after life they are going be very warm were they are going when they leave this mortal coil.
regard ian