I just cannot accept my husband is gone - if I have a good day I feel so guilty because he’s not here to share it - I miss him so very much- he died 30 November after only 4 weeks in hospital
Being diagnosed with lung cancer - no
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Hello Lesley, So sorry for your loss. We all have the Guilts about things to do with our lost loved ones. No one who has not been through what we have been though understands. I lost my Darling Wife of 52 years almost a year ago, still have those moments.
Wish I could give you a hug.
Hopefully another member of the group will be along soon.
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Lesley I am so sorry for your loss, I too lost my husband unexpectedly in January this year, he was only 53. Like you it was difficult to accept and the sadness can be overwhelming. Today was also the first time I posted and the replies I received calmed my mind - I was having a big, big crash. I am not in a position to give anyone advice as I am finding my way through this nightmare too, but i think that guilt is a part of grieving and if I have a good day I know my husband would be pleased for me as he would not want me to be this unhappy forever - take a good day guilt free. Have you tried bereavement counselling or maybe have a chat with your GP? Please take care of yourself and reach out, help is available.
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@Lesley12
Yes it is hard to accept than someone has gone. I really struggled with that at first. January 4th I lost beloved partner. I have my moments and I’ve sat and cried and screamed asking why? Why? I’m still findymy way but slowly day by day. It’s the only true advise I can give you. Xx
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I am in a similar situation but has only been 3 weeks for me.
Lost my 66yo wife of 47 years to cancer and am really finding it difficult to accept that I will never see or speak to her again especially as everything in the house and garden reminds me of her.
She lived with her cancer for two and a half years so we should have had time to plan but alas the end when it came took less than week which was a blessing but it still hurt so badly but at least we were all with her when she left us.
I am now on my own with our son and daughter back with their own families and will admit that I am struggling taking each day as it comes but still having sessions of extreme sadness and when in private letting it all out with full weeping, I wander around the house wondering where to start on the inevitable requirement to sort her stuff out but this tends to bring on bouts of just sitting and staring at things remembering times gone by which of course means more crying.
Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble but just felt I needed to say something to try and get something off my chest has it made me feel better probably not but I hope it is a start.
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Hi JohnF - ramble away - I have done the same today and although I have a headache from crying I do believe it has helped. All you need to do at the minute is care for yourself - food ( crisps count), sleep ( I find that a bad nights sleep equals a bad day) and sort out any important paperwork - nothing else - it will all wait. Keep posting as I think everyone on here sadly understands what you are going through.
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John, we know and understand what you are feeling, we have been / are there. My Darling wife of 52 years died suddenly almost a year ago, I could not change anything. A year on I have asked one of her friends to come and help me sort her clothes out, I could not do that on my own, but with a friends help I think I may be able. I saw this somewhere " Time does not heal the heartache. Nor stop a silent tear, Or take away the memories of one we held so dear." I try to find a happy memory, Like I was very sad on our wedding anniversary, but managed to remember her walking down the aisle with a big smile on her face.
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Lesley Apologies for hijacking your post.
I know exactly how you feel, like you I feel the same guilt it just does not feel right to do things alone when we always did everything together I miss her so much it hurts a pain that is so difficult to describe to those who have never experienced it.
Like most people I have lost family but the pain of losing my wife is on a different scale.
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Thanks I will.
Its remembering the happy times that seems to make me so sad the fact that there will never be another happy time seems to be all consuming at the moment.
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Until it happens to you, you do not understand. I get that feeling in my chest, it is called grief. I try and look for something that made her laugh or smile.
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Lesley & Johnf. Please if you need to reach out to this site. I am sorry to say we have all or are there. Grief and guilt seem to walk hand in hand. Its just 10 weeks for me, do my advice is limited. I have had days with very little to drink and have not eaten at all. I think i went about 4 days when i was on a crisp diet. It’s hard but you have to try and look after yourself. If you are lucky to have a support network please use it. Just remember people on here know what hell you are going through. Take care
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You are all so lovely - my heart is with you all - it’s awful missing a loved one - it’s an awful time - love to you all xxx
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I lost my husband totally out of the blue 12 weeks ago. He was never ill, walked down the road with me, said he couldn’t breathe, and collapsed and died of a pulmonary embolism. Half an hour before he was eating toast for breakfast. I have just turned 60, he was 65. We had both taken early retirement a year ago and were having the time of our lives. He worked on oil rigs all his life and retired at 64 as I said life was too short as my dad died at 67. I retired also . We had so many plans, were off to Goa 2 weeks after he died, going to see Springsteen -again!- and so much more. I have come out of the shock now but find it hard to accept he is no longer here. I have been with him since I was 18. What makes me sad is what he is now missing, all of the plans we had. He was my best friend. Am so sorry for all of you too xxxxx
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I am the same Lesley, I found my husband in his chair on the 8th January this year, we had just returned from a holiday, he had caught a chest infection, he had been a healthy person, loved riding his bike, and the fresh air.
The shock was devastating, my life changed instantly, grief strikes constantly, so do the tears.
So sorry this has happened to you.
Sending my love xx
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I’m so
Sorry and thank you x
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I feel for all of you at least I got to sit with Hazel for three days 24/7 watching over her while she slowly left us, her last spoken words to me were Loves you which I will never forget this was the day before she left us following this only able to communicate by squeezing hand when asked question.
We were married for 47 years but I met her when she was only 15 so together for 51 the hole left is huge and I still cannot believe that I will never see or speak to her again although I do caht to her and alway say good night and good morning.
Cremation on Wed after which she will be coming home to wait for me when we will both be scattered somewhere together.
Thanks for allowing the additional ramble and really hope that all of you are feeling better than me as nobody deserves the pain that goes with losing our soul mates.
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To All.
I’m so sorry for your losses. It is very hard to carry on whether we expected it or not. No one is ever prepared. It’s an awful situation. This site has been a total godsend for many of us. Me included. Anytime you need to rant let off steam come on here. We’re all in this together. Xx
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Thank you Tenpin
I was a sobbing mess last night, but luckily I got some good advice from the lovely people on here, and managed to calm down and get some sleep xx
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@Flints
Anytime I can be of any help I’ll be there. We’re all at different stages. Somedays we seem to go forward and others backwards. It’s a total rollercoaster of emotions. We can all help each other as best we can. Xx
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