I lost my mum VERY suddenly. All my coworkers have pretended to be nice about the loss, but they just can’t understand the impact it has on you, and why it’s left me so bad tempered and quiet. My manager keeps getting annoyed at me for “zoning out”.
How have you guys dealt with this? I just can’t pretend everything is ok in work while at home everything is very slowly falling apart.
Hi jr
I know how you feel I lost my mum on the day I was in work and ever since it’s haunted me. I blame the council I work for because I knew my mum was in hospital that day with my dad by my side. I never got to say goodbye
I deal with my grief by talking to my mum and crying but no amount of tears takes away the pain of grief you can never cry enough grief does consume but what I do is look after myself do things that make you happy
Hi,
I lost my mother in December; had roughly two weeks off and returned to work.
The truth is nobody truly knows what to say in situations like this, it doesn’t mean they don’t care - unfortunately the reality of it is that the world keeps going on, and it’s difficult not to resent that the world wont stop for your grief and for the person that you lost. I remember feeling very angry about it and struggled to fathom that life goes on and unchanged for everyone else whilst I experienced this.
My perspective is that my mom would be so disappointed with me to allow her death to fundamentally change the person I am; the person she worked so hard to raise - I’m fortunate that I learnt very quickly that grief is so very different for everyone, and it’s a very personal experience. There’s no right way to grieve, and feeling it is important. If you can though? Let go of that anger, live your life, sit with your feelings and acknowledge them as they come, but don’t stay stuck in them.
Good luck in your journey, it’ll be hard, know that you are not alone.
Hi JR, I hear you. My mam died in December just before christmas. While my co-workers are very kind and all wanted to be supportive, it just didn’t really help me feel better - I’m also relative young (30) so a lot of my friends fall in the same pattern. I have found more comfort from those who have experienced the loss of a parent, so I think it is just simply one of those things those who haven’t experienced it can’t imagine.
I find the masking of “Everything is OK” too much for my brain to handle, and being in grief is like being in a bubble. Everyone’s lives have moved forward but i am stood still. I ended up taking about 6 weeks off work - the GP signed off a sick certificate no problem. I needed to let my brain reset a bit, and just take time to look after myself. i’m doing a phased return at work and saying things like “Thanks for your kind words, it’s a big change but I am hanging in there. Shall we get back to the task at hand"?” has just helped the conversation move on. I have regular check ins with my manager to tell her i’m struggling/tired/upset too. Ultimately though it’s the rest outside of work that is helping me through this.