This is my first posting since I lost my son. He died in a tragic accident, completely out of the blue half way through his university course, living independently away from home. He was the most kind, beautiful hearted boy you could ever meet, had found his feet and I was so proud of him. He was only 22 years old.
He had the makings of an amazing man, husband, father as he was a wonderful brother and son.
It is close coming up to the first anniversary of his death and J am broken. I have family and friends that look out for me, a community that is understanding but I really do not know how I am still breathing as his loss is all consuming. I did speak to a lovely lady on a helpline only a couple of months after his death and she when pressed: after a year she herself had to decide to move forward as she couldn’t carry on with how sad she was. This has been helpful but I have the weight of my loss in every fibre of my being and realise I am forever now going to be this sad person completely altered from what my son would recognise. I miss him so much, nothing will ever be the same.
I’m so sorry. I also lost my son - he was 23 and my only child. He took his own life and it was completely unexpected and shocking. It was 13 years ago and I have learned how to live again and even feel happy. I have done so many things since his death. I went to University and have raised thousands for suicide prevention charities by doing sponsored walks. I run a support group for parents who have lost a child to suicide which helps me a lot. I found the first anniversary absolutely terrible so I hope when that’s behind you you can slowly find some peace and healing. It is so devastating but nothing will bring them back and I feel my son wouldn’t want me to feel miserable for the rest of my life. Of course I feel terribly sad but am determined to live the best life I can and I hope you can in time. I joined a choir and got a puppy and both helped me find some joy in life again.
It is so hard when you had so many hopes and dreams for your child and now everything has turned to dust. Five weeks on and I am still weeping hopelessly for my boy, but some of the grief has turned to anger. Our children deserved to have normal happy lives and it is so unfair that this was denied to them. I want to scream sometimes.
I am so sorry.
Unless as a parent this happened to you, I truly believe no one can understand the despair we experience. Your love for your child is deep so why would we expect our grief to be any less? Our bodies and thoughts are trying to adjust to our new reality and we are in for a marathon of emotions. Know you are not alone. Rage is healthy, why shouldn’t you be angry with the hand you have been dealt with. Remember you have people out here that understand and can listen when you don’t want to be alone in your thoughts.
I am sorry for your loss.
Thank you for your kind message. I live in hope that I will eventually find some peace and take comfort knowing I have a place to come to when needed where people truly understand and look out for each other, thank you.
Hi @Stillinshock
I am so sorry you lost your beautiful boy. I
lost my daughter 15 months ago, she was 21years old and had the beginnings of a fantastic life ahead of her.
The one bit of advice I can give you is grief is individual. Only you knew your child, your relationship and what that loss has cost you. Please, please don’t think you should be feeling/acting or behaving in a certain way, we all reach different points at different times and some of us may never get there.
I am still very stuck in my grief, I can’t make a decision to move on, I am still consumed by all that I have lost. I can’t look at photo’s, listen to music, visit places that we would go to or places I know she would love. She is everywhere and nowhere all at once and the thought of never seeing her again is too much, I shutdown and block out the reality of my situation.
I don’t choose to not participate in life I have no life left to participate in.
I have tried counselling, meeting other parents in a group and one to one but nothing eases my pain. I am still me, alone in my grief, missing my girl.
I hope you find something that works for you but if you don’t that’s ok too because not all of us do.