My love

I lost my beloved husband of 32 years to oesophagus cancer 6 weeks ago today we were still so in love which has made this process impossible he was diagnosed 6 weeks before he passed away with no signs of illness till then it’s been a terrible shock and now I miss him so much my heart actually aches I cry all the time and feel I have nothing without him xxxx

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hi Julie
very sorry for the loss of your husband.
wish I could say there was a quick fix.sadly its something we all react to differently.there is so set time limit to grieving .hopefully you are getting support from family and friends.there are lots of us on here who know exactly what your going through.the hurt inside ,the sense of many emotions.cant say im handling it to well.and lots of others to.
and sadly what helps one may not help another.many people on here will reach out and gladly listen to your posts and never judge what you write regarding what you are going through.many will try offer advice and point you to places were you may get help.
sorry im not really much help.

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Thanks for messaging ! I feel so guilty for still being here and even for eating when David can’t I never thought this would ever happen to us as we had no warning we are in our early 50’s so it’s all such a shock

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yw,my partner was 52 and was 3 days before Jaynes birthday.
i was and still am devastated and not really coping.that plus aggro from Jaynes family which only came to light once Jayne passed.
like you i shed tears every day,and im not lonely for company.just want Jaynes company.again my very sorry for what happened to David.
very sorry i cannot wave a magic wand and make all of us suffering from grief find a way to cope,or to have our loved ones back.


Hi Julie,
The shock of sudden unbearable.
The disbelief is surreal. All I can suggest is to find somebody to talk to. Maybe there is somebody at the hospital where your husband was.
I saw a counsellor and I could say anything I liked to them , things I couldn’t say to family because I didn’t want to upset them.
Take your time, even now I curl up on the sofa under a rug and just think and cry.
Like you and your lovely husband we were young with no signs of what was to come.
I wish I could say more at this sad time and I hope you find some support . Sadme


Thanks xxxxx

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Hello I’m sorry for your terrible loss. I too lost my husband of 37 years 9 weeks ago. He had non alocolic liver cirrhosis. My world has been turned upside down. He was the love of my life we were together since I was 15 so I don’t know a life without him. I feel angry when I see couples I cry. Why havent I got my Gary. Today I had to visit the hospital where he died so every thing came back. I have no advise to give you other than keep busy. I have returned to work full time which has helped me it fills my days. People tell me it will. Get easier but I don’t believe it my heart is filled with sadness all the time. And I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Keep positive and cry it helps best wishes Dawn

Thanks dawn I need to speak with people like me and you seem the same I was with David since I was 14 so I can’t remember a time without him either he was the love of my life my rock how sad our lives are now !! Xxxxxxx

Dear Julie. I am so sorry for your loss I too lost my husband to oesophageal cancer 5 months ago. He had no symptoms and our world was turned upside down at his diagnosis, we then had a year together it was devastating to lose him and still is. I know just what you’re going through your life is changed beyond all recognition and it takes all your effort to get up and manage the day. I take each day one at a time. We have three children now young adults the youngest only 17 and they have been denied of a wonderful father. We comfort each other but I feel so heartbroken for them and for my own loss and future without him. I feel really alone in this experience I am 58 and don’t know anybody who has gone through or is going through this sort of loss. I think about my husband every day and still find it hard to come to terms with life without him. You describe all the emotions that I feel. I think this forum shows we are not alone.

Hi Lorraine, I am 53 and also lost my husband to oesophageal cancer.

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Hi I am so sorry. How are you coping ? I probably know a silly question. Such an awful illness.

Hi Julie, I’m so sorry for your loss. I haven’t been on here for long but I have found that people are very supportive. I lost my husband, October last year. Like you I felt guilty for eating and still being here. Life is so cruel. I still don’t like food very much but I find that it is a means to an end. I have to be able to function to sort out official things and to do thy I need to sleep. As I say a means to an end. Whenever you need to ask something or just put how you are feeling you will get a response on here. I’m so pleased I’ve found this site as it has helped me. Take care xx

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Oh my goodness another family very similar to ours we too have three kids young adults it’s been the toughest of times just to function is awful I miss David so much it actually hurts nice to chat with you as we share so much sadly xx

It’s a physical pain grief hard for others to comprehend. Everything becomes such an effort. Your feelings really resonate with me and the sadness we have in common. We talk about or mention Gary every day and it it brings into sharp focus what was taken from him and us having to leave us behind and all those future moments in life he will miss. It’s heartbreaking isn’t it. Thank you for chatting.

HI Lorraine, I think apart from the Grief I find the trauma of everything that my husband went through with this cancer mind numbing, I felt too young to be coping with it all & most of the time I didn’t gave a clue, but I did my best.

I miss him dreadfully & feels like I’m walking around a bit like a robot, the outside looks the same but on the inside everything is whirling around, a different emotion every minute.

Our home is exactly as he left it, I find comfort in that but I do get told daily I should be sorting things out, I don’t take any notice now, I spend much more time at home then I ever have which everyone in my life find strange but I feel safe and relaxed at home.

I feel a bit proud of myself today, we had been looking at getting a new flat roof on part of our house but didnt got around to it, I researched it and had done companies around, I had all my questions ready & I’ve chosen a contractor, I was shaken no on the inside but must have looked calm & in control on the outside, it’s the 1st time I felt since my husbands death that I can do something alone!

I hope you are ok.ish today and my thoughts are with you and everyone else on this forum x

That’s the scary bit isn’t it, having to deal with things that your Husband always did but now it’s down to you alone. I am glad you were able to do it and it sounds like you did a great job choosing the right man for the job. I am sure your hubby would be so proud of you :+1:
V x

I know exactly what you mean about the trauma of watching your husband go through such an awful illness of which we have no experience or control. You did an amazing job I’m sure, something kicks in and you become more capable than you know. It is torture to watch it take away so much from someone you love so much and being with him when he passed will stay with me forever. You’re like me, our home has become my sanctuary and it is where I too feel safest and nearest to him and whenever I go anywhere I can’t wait to get back home and I think that’s perfectly normal. Don’t be in a rush to do anything and no one should expect you to. You are young and I’m sure so was he and it so unfair and cruel. Small steps, as for today you have done amazing, seeing contractors and getting on to that flat roof project! As for me I’ve booked the annual boiler service. All the while we are living life in a constant state of anxiety and the pain of missing our husbands is a constant we shouldn’t expect too much of ourselves. I hope you are okayish too I think that’s the best way of putting it. Take care and talk again. Lorraine

Hello Julie
I was with Gary since I was 15 and I’m 57 now. I feel I don’t know life without him. When he was ill I thought when this is over I will be strong, I class myself as being strong as a family we went through a lot before Gary died intensive care and being refused a liver transplant. But when he actually went I was not strong. There are no words to say how it feels all our plans for the future gone. I feel angry because we had no retirement together he was 62 when he died. Before I died he asked me to get him a ginger kitten, so I did and he choose the name Leo. He managed to see Leo for 2 months. That cat now sleeps with me every night and sits with me when I’m sad I’m sure Gary tels him to I know he’s around I feel hm in the house. Please feel free to tell me your story Julie it helps to say what you are feeliing even when you are doing it and fighting tears, it’s been 4 months for me now.
Dawn xxx