My love

My partner Chris committed suicide just four weeks ago. I feel so sad and lonely without him. He had been suffering with mental health issues long before we met, although I didn’t know any of this until 6 months into our relationship.
The last four months of his life were difficult and began self harming everyone we argued or he felt upset about something.
We had many hospital visits and promises of help but unfortunately they came too late to help him. My life stopped the day he left and I still can’t believe his not here.
Most of the time Chris was a happy fun loving person full of life, from the outside you would never know he was troubled.
Friends were great at first, but unfortunately the calls have slowed down snd everyone is back enjoying their own life’s.
I don’t want to burden my children so I make out that’s I’m ok, I’m not ok at all though.
I can’t ever imagine being happy ever again.
Chris brought so much happiness into my life when he was well and I miss his smile.
Why is it other people don’t understand how hurt I am feeling, and they think after one month I need to move on. The truth is I don’t want to move on, if I move on I loose my memories of him.
My Children’s father has been told this week his got cancer, they are struggling too.
I lost both my parents during lockdown so it’s particular hard for me because I’m still grieving them too.

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I understand. I lost my mum and dad and then my husband last year. Letting go of the grief does not mean you will lose the memories of your dad You will always remember him in time spent together chats holidays his values in life his kindness and love. They will never leave you and in time the tears will lessen and when you think of him you will find yourself smiling. Take things slowly Hour by hour. Cry scream do whatever you need to. Talk about him. Talk to him. We learn to carry the grief and life grows around it. One day we will see each other again but for now you have a different relationship with your dad. Sending hugs. Keep chatting here xxxx

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Thank you for your kind message. I do feel I have let go slightly regarding my parents, it’s the recent loss of my partner Chris which I’m struggling with.
I’m so sorry for your loss too x