My lovely son

I lost my lovely son in July in an accident and my world stopped. I went into shock and organised things and looked after others. But now I feel the cracks appearing, along with the awful pain. I know I’m not alone in this club and I know there is no cure. Is it just about existing from here on? Just get through each 24 hrs. Life has thrown some very hard knocks my family’s way and this is just like the one that will finish me. Any thoughts would gratefully received x

I understand the grief is overwhelming, I also lost my son Luke in August he also died in an accident . Out of all the tragedy I try to think that my son was a gift even though I had him for a short time, maybe its their destiny , we are all here temporarily.

Thank you for replying. I do tell myself how very lucky I am to have been chosen to be mum to such a wonderful person as my son. I have always felt enormous pride for him. I am very sorry for your loss, the pain must feel very raw for you.

Hi Orchard, I didn’t lose a child, but I can imagine that the pain must be overwhelming. I’m so sorry, love. I think for now, it is about surviving as best you can, and I hope you have plenty of good support. It sounds like you’ve made yourself available to others, and I’m not surprised the cracks are appearing. It’s your turn now to be cared for.

Lots of love, Orchard - I wish there was a way to make all of this easier…

Louise xo

Thank you so much Louise for taking time to contact me. I don’t have a lot of support, I brought up my son and daughter on my own and we are very close. It was always just me and them and as long as they were alright I could manage everything else. Now I feel vulnerable and scared. The ‘man’ in my life has gone and I miss him. But I must find a way for my daughter’s sake. Thank you again. Take care, Geraldine x

Hi there
I am so sorry about the loss of your son
My son drowned 4 years ago and even now I sometimes struggle to cope
All I can say is somehow you will find the strength to get through each day as I have done and am doing now
everything for me including my personality has changed I am a lot more emotional than ever I was
I hope you find the strength inside yourself to get through each day
Take care of your self
Sending love to you
Kindest regards kevin

Hello Kevin, thank you so much for messaging me and sharing your feelings. I am realising very sadly that this is a very full club I have reluctantly joined. So many are enduring the same pain as myself. I take strength from the fact they are all still living a life so there has to be a way of getting through this, of living with it. I would give everything for him to come through the door again, to hear ‘well ma’ once more. But I know I won’t. I guess you feel like that too. Can I ask if you ever lived in Ireland Kevin? Take care and thank you again. Stay strong x

Hi O

I lost my 24 year old son Aaron to a car crash on the 11th august 6 weeks ago and for a man of 49 I secretly cry most days the sadness I feel just cannot be put into words
I know how you feel take care

Hi orchard
Unfortunately I have never even been to Ireland as lovely as it is
I have often dreamed about my son, I even got to speak to him once and I thought it was real but when I woke up and realised it was a dream and he wasn’t here it was as though I had lost him again and I broke down, but I would go through that every morning if I got to speak to him in my dreams every night
I write my thoughts down of how I miss him or how I’m feeling and put them in a drawer, i must have 30 or 40 letters in that drawer now, it helps me
I know for you it must be very painful and raw being so recent but you will learn to cope with him not being with you
Talk about him whenever you can and don’t bottle things up like I did
My wife had councilling I didn’t I just let things get on top of me and I don’t think I came to terms with it, I felt like I was burdening people with it so I kept my feelings bottled up
I still cry a lot especially when I’m on my own or at night
Please, if you need to talk you can message me anytime either on here or privately but please keep talking to someone
Sending love your way
Kevin

Thank you for messaging me. I’m so sorry for the pain you are feeling. Life is very cruel. You need to cry, to let your pain out. Don’t try to keep things bottled up. It was about six weeks after my son died that I really felt the pain. I think I was in shock up to then. I organized and helped the family and I knew deep down the reality hadn’t really hit me. I think we both have a long road ahead. Be kind to yourself and lean on others.

I can feel the emotions and pain in your message Kevin. By nature I don’t open up to people. I’m usually the fixer, the one who sorts everything. But I knew from the moment I got told the news that I couldn’t fix things this time. I had no answer for anyone. I’m sad to think of you crying. I seem to cry mostly in the mornings for some reason. I think it’s maybe because there is another day to be got through. Do you have other children Kevin? I have been to a group meeting here that is for bereaved parents and I think it may help in the future. So many lovely people all with such sad stories.

Yes I have a 24 year old daughter and a 30 year old son I also have 2 grandsons one of which is my late sons he is now 10 and looks exactly the same as his dad
How about yourself do you have other children

I have a daughter, she is 23. She had to have life saving surgery last year and spent two months in hospital. I thought I had lost her. And now… My son lived next door to me. I thought one day there would be grand children and they could run in to see me. A future lost to us all, especially my son. It’s good you have children round you, they can be a good help when you’re down sometimes.

Yes having my grand children is a god send they keep me going
I hope your daughter is ok now
Keep on talking if not on here to your friends and family it really does help I know what your going through and how low you must feel but just keep going
You will get through it
Love to you
Kevin

You should think about training for counciling Kevin, you’re very connective and emotive. I asked if you had ever lived in Ireland as coincidentally when I was younger I lived next door to someone with the same name as you. My daughter is good at the moment but will always have to have checks done. She’s a beautiful girl and has a great rapport with the kids in her school. I am blessed to have been mum to the two of them. I just wish it could have been for longer… Geraldine x

Thankyou for your kind words but truthfully I am just getting by myself I will never truly get over my sons death I know that but I keep going anyway
I always think that I never did enough to help my son as he had a lot of problems with prescription drugs and the like

The last time I saw him we argued and I regret it , he did know that I loved him but I just wish I tried harder to help him
Anyway I hope you have some good days but on your bad days I am here if you need to talk
Kevin x

My heart went out to you when I read your message. Regrets are hard to deal with and can eat away at you. There is no easy answers to it as you know. But time gives a little perspective on it. My niece took her own life and I’ve always questioned what if? Today is three months from my son died. Tears are flowing. As are the 'if onlys '. There just is no answer. I miss him so so much. Wishing you a good day. G x

You will always miss him just as I miss my son but always think of him and remember him
Cry if you need to , laugh at the things he did that were funny and keep him in your heart
Love to you
Kevin

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