My lovely wife has gone

My darling Alison died nearly 5 weeks ago. We have known each other nearly 40 years. She died on her 63rd birthday.
She was diagnosed suddenly 5 months ago with bowel cancer, no symptoms until a few days before . She was very healthy living, running, cycling,hardly drunk alcohol and ate healthily.
She was up for the battle as I had survived aggressive blood cancer and she said I was her inspiration.
Her first operation went well and she recovered quickly back walking,we even had a holiday in snowdonia . Unfortunately at about 4 weeks we were told it had likely spread to other parts, soon after she started deteriorating. The next few weeks we were in and out of A&E admissions to hospital,eventually having a second emergency operation . After this operation the surgeon told me we would be lucky if she was alive at Christmas (this was early December) he is renowned for being a bit brutal.
Thankfully her oncologist gave us some hope ,he couldn’t cure her but he could treat her and buy us some time.
Chemotherapy was supposed to start on January 3rd but she deteriorated again on New Year’s Day and another hospital admission happened. She eventually started treatment on about the 7th of January. Unfortunately it didn’t work and she went into a hospice on the 1st of March to die a few days later.
She suffered a lot of pain and discomfort in the last few months and it was a nightmare rollercoaster for her going through the discomfort and myself trying to care for her.
I knew she would not be with me for much longer and I thought I would be prepared for her not being around but now we have navigated her funeral etc life is very empty and I am truly devastated and each day seems worse. I have feelings of guilt,did I care for her enough in the last few months? did I do enough,did I love her enough etc etc The nurses,my family and even she said I was amazing but I still worry and go over and over the last few months.
My wife and I were so close we did everything together and she told me she loved me every day.
I have 2 grown up sons who have been and are amazing and have coped so well with losing their mum.
Thanks for listening everyone


I’m truly sorry for your loss. It’s the most devastating thing even if you think you’re prepared for it. It blindside’s you. It sounds like, despite you not feeling it, that you did all you could for your wife and she lived you for it and nobody else could have done it as good as you. I’m sure your wife would have been very proud of you and if she had the choice, would still be with you today. I miss my partner, he died 29th January 23. Nothing prepares for this life alone without them, for all the things you miss now and the future we should have had. But it does gets less all consuming. Thinking of you .


Hi Mark. I am so sorry for the loss of your darling wife. I have to go out now but will reply properly to your sad post later on .


Hi @Mark8
Feeling for you in your grief for your lovely, brave wife.
Seconding what @Ali29 has said, I can’t believe you could have done any more for your wife and to have you caring for her will have been such a comfort to her.

I can’t image the pain of watching your loved one deteriorate and feel so helpless to do anything to make it better. I had a sudden loss of my darling Richard, which comes with is own problems, but I was spared that heartache of seeing him getting Ill.

I think when the reality of what has truly happened sinks in things can seem worse so don’t be surprised if that is the case.

Almost a year for me now and the bad days are less often and less terrible, apart from bad spells which are inevitable for the rest of our life I think. I have a life and do enjoy some things with my daughters and friends plus I have my amazing Mum and brother nearby. I laugh, play sport, keep the house and garden as well as the farmland (as much as I know how to.)
There will be a life ahead but nothing you can force to happen or try to rush. Just believer in yourself and your love for your wife living on.

Karen xxx


Mark 8.i am going through the same thing. But my gorgeous fantastic wife sue who passed away on the first of February this year due to pancreatic cancer which had spread to her lungs and liver. I know the feelings you are going through. You have a lot of support here .dont be afraid to ask for help its nothing to be ashamed daughter and stepson dave family are supportive .your among friends here