My Mother’s funeral on Friday

Hello everyone

I first posted here about 4wks ago after we lost my dear Mother.

It’s her funeral this coming Friday & I feel so sick and anxious - especially in the mornings. Also awoke at 5am with a panic attack.

I don’t know how I’m going to get through the next few days. It’s been a long-ish time since we lost her for various reasons. But the anxiety now (again especially in the mornings) is not so good at all.

I’m going to say a few words at the service & my sister-in-law will be standing with me.

Please can anyone offer some calming advice.

Many thanks.

Clare
X

Hi Clare you are very brave to stand up and speak about your mum and your lives together. It will be heartfelt last message for her. Do it as if you are talking to her as if she were standing there with you. If you get the wobbles just take some long deep breaths and continue when you can. The whole day of and befor a funeral is one big anxiety but it mostly is not as bad as we hype ourselves up for.
I am sure you will do your mum well on the day.

Hello Clare, yes you are brave and I second everything that tillwemeetagain has written. Try not to get yourself worked up about any of your loss and you know before I say anything that it only makes the situation worse. I said a few words at my husbands funeral and I was surprised how well it went, I think by that time I had cried so much I had run out of tears. On Friday I shall be thinking of and I am sure all our thoughts and blessings will help you through. S xxx

Dear Claire
I posted here yesterday for the first time after losing my father 3 weeks ago. I lost my sister 2years ago after a long fight with Cancer. After she died I felt very similar to you. I woke with a intensely beating heart and a feeling of dread. I felt insane. It helped me to know that these feelings were “normal “ symptoms that some people felt with grief.

I have experienced allot of death of loved ones in my life and each time is different. With my sister i was surprised at how different. I did allot of soul searching and what I discovered was that she was really my only source of unconditional love in my family. {my family was very dysfunctional}.

I would say that a huge reason why you are feeling the way you are with your mother. What i for used on was honouring their love we shared and seeing the lost i was feeling was because the love was so big. Some how this was comforting. I still felt the eBay i did bit it gave me a reason and helped me to be very kind to myself and not feel crazy!

Also this year we lost my mother Inlaw. My partner and her were extremely close. It was a very hard time and I remember before the funeral feeling exactly how you do. I had no idea how i would get thought it and support my partner. The thing that was amazing was that once were got to the church and the funeral started all the love and support from everyone seemed to both hold myself and my partner. Love is very powerful so i belief no matter how hard it feels you will be held and fell supported. Big love means big lost and somehow people know this and they shower you with allot of love.

Be gentle loving towards yourself and reach out and receive support from anywhere you can. Sending you my deepest warmth .Catreeana

Thank you ladies for all your replies.
I must apologise as re-reading my initial post, I was clearly quite anxious. I hadn’t had much sleep for the past two nights - going through funeral plans in my head at 1.30am.
I’ve learnt over the years that lack of sleep makes a sensitive/nervy person more anxious.
Your replies have been very heartfelt.

Thank you Tillwemeetagain (don’t know your actual name). I loved the ‘talk as tho Mum’s standing right in front of me’. I certainly will think of that.

Thank you Susie for your kind thoughts - I will try not to get over-anxious. Mum used to say to me years ago, ‘you’ll be alright once you’re there’.

And thank you Catreeana - I’m so sorry to hear of the losses in your family, especially losing your Dad so recently.
I lost my Dad only last year but this time with Mum it feels completely different.
You are so right - big love means big loss.
My goodness did I love my Mother & of course still do.

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