Im so sorry for your loss @Babygirl73 - after the pain of losing your Dad at such an early age i can imagine the bond between you and your Mum became incredibly close, especially as you were her carer. I lost my Dad over 20 years ago so became incredibly close to my Mum and cared for her full time the last year of her life, and i know how completely devastating it was for me when she passed - like part of my very soul had been ripped out
There is nothing anyone can say thats going to ease that pain - at this early stage it really is a case of just hanging on and getting through every day, every hour (even though your mind may be screaming whats the point?) . If you feel the urge to scream - do it! I tend to scream in the car where i know no one can hear me. Its better to release those emotions than let them swirl inside. Its really early days for you, so just try and focus on the basics of trying to sleep when you can, eat what you can manage, and let your emotions out when you need to - your mind and body are processing a huge trauma.
Im now at the point of applying for probate and have been staying at my mums house even though i have my own home, because i cant bear to leave here. I too am completely dreading packing mums stuff up - theres no way I could have faced doing it as early as you are having to, so my heart goes out to you. Weve been advised probate takes approx 2 - 4 months so you should have a little breathing space hopefully?
Its fine if youre not ready to consider counselling, but try and find people who can support you, whether thats your sister, other family, local bereavement support groups, or posting here. Grief can feel incredibly isolating but being able to share what youre feeling with others who understand just makes that load a tiny bit more bearable.
Thank you I’m in pieces, I can’t stop crying I’m living in the house we shared, I’ve shut her bedroom door as I can’t bear to deal with it right now. My sister’s are older and have their own way of dealing with grief, we aren’t close so I’m alone in my trauma, I have to find somewhere else to live and try and get a job. It’s so expensive where I am and I’m worried I’ll have to move away from area. Mums getting cremated 19 June, we have 2 urns I will have mums ashes here with me so I hope u get some comfort. I just am finding it hard to accept the loss
Its so early days for you - im 7 months in and still struggling every day! Just let the tears come, you’re in pain and its totally understandable. Its a horrible place to be in especially when you dont feel you have anyone to lean on. Thats why this site is such a life saver, there are so many people who have lost someone and are finding their way through it as best they can. If you have a bad moment where you really need to speak to someone, Cruse have a helpline open until 3pm I think, CALM have a helpline open in the evenings and of course theres the Samaritans. Ive not used any of them personally but sometimes you just need someone to listen. Just focus for now on getting through the cremation - are you having a service/wake for her?
I know when I leave here it will destroy me, I just am numb and feeling worthless and unloved right now, I just want someone to just hug me. I feel so alone
Oh the times i have longed for a hug too!
Try not to think too far ahead, just focus on one day at a time. You obviously loved your Mum deeply, so your grief for her will be deep. Someone said grief is just love with nowhere to go, that really captures it for me.
