My mum and how much I miss her

My Mum died three weeks ago aged 77 which I know is boy young but it was unexpected because both her parents lived into their nineties. I keep reliving the last month of her life from diagnosis to death trying to make sense of it and make my brain accept she has gone. I feel like other people are much better at this than me.

Hello Sarah, So sorry to hear about your Mum. We are all here because we have lost somebody who is dear to us so is a safe place to open our hearts and maybe write what we struggle to say. I think it is part of the grieving process to try and make sense of something that until it happens, is incomprehensible to us. My mum passed on December 27th after picking up an infection in the care home. She was living with Alzheimer’s but knew who we were. She died with nobody by her side as just fell asleep on the ward after her supper. No drama. No commotion. She was due to be discharged the following day. I’m still extremely sad. I was off work for nearly 2 months as couldnt face it. Nearly 3 months I’m adjusting to life without Mum but it still hurts and will for a long time. X

Thank you for replying to me. I think the thing I am struggling with the most is that I feel I should be getting better now and I should be able to go back to work. The funeral was last week. I tried to go in for two hours but I felt totally overwhelmed. I don’t feel like anything at work has any real meaning or point to it.

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Sorry for your loss, it’s so hard isn’t it? I wouldn’t rush to compare yourself to others. Everyone reacts to grief in their own way so be kind to yourself. My Mum died unexpectedly 8 weeks ago and I do the same - overthinking everything that happened in the last weeks of her life. It really serves no purpose other than to torture ourselves with all the ‘ifs, buts and maybe’s’.

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Thank you for replying. It’s a hard process.

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It really is early days for you so please be kind to yourself. Society, it seems, expects us to move on quickly, “ get over it” move on blah blah blah. Your loss is extremely recent and you are probably doing better than you think you are. Losing a parent or anybody who is significant in your life is such a difficult loss to bear. Is important to grieve in your own time. Don’t work to anybody else’s timescale . This is your loss and your Mum. You will adjust at your own pace. X

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