My mum and now my nan

Losing a parent
1

Hi, I lost my mum six months ago, and my nan unfortunately died last week she went downhill after my mum died I don’t think she could handle the loss, it’s been the hardest six months of my life, I’m 33 and my mum was 53 when she died 4 days before her birthday, she was in hospital due to an infection and died suddenly from sepsis, I feel like I’m not the same person I was before she died , nothing feels the same and I think of her everyday, I get alot of anxiety which I didn’t have before has anyone else experienced this and does the anxiety go away, I don’t want to see a Dr as I don’t want to be given medication. It’s not life altering anxiety I can still go on with my day but it’s just a horrible feeling like I’m on the verge of a panic attack and it’s usually over something so silly, I find it easier to deal with loss as time goes on but now my nan dying has pushed me back, my nan had said before she died that my mum was sitting in the chair waiting for her, this has brought a big comfort as I know my mum is not alone, it just feels like a huge emptiness that follows me around, usual things that would make me laugh or happy just don’t hit the same anymore,

I also feel awful for my partner as I’m distant with her but not intentionally I just kinda go into myself and I’m neglecting her without realising and this is completely unfair as she has been the most supportive person anyone could wish for.

I just want to be myself again I know you can’t put a time frame on things but anyone suggest as to when it becomes normal do you ever be there person you were before?

Thanks

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Hi Rj. Im so sorry for your losses.

I wanted to reach out as I relate to your story. I lost my mum suddenly on christmas day. She was diagnosed lung cancer in June that year and it all happened so fast. She only made it to 6 months from diagnosis. She was doing okay and then died if felt like.

I am a bit earlier in the grieiving process than you, on losing a mum, but I hope you find some comfort on here, as I do, that you’re not alone and how you are feeling is very normal.

I am a similar age to you, 35. And never saw myself having to deal with such profound grief so young. I also experience the anxiety you speak of. Ive been told thats really normal after you lose a parent as your foundation cracks. But im hopeful we will rebuild.

My partner is also very supportive and I have found myself pushing her away at times. She has her mum so I really struggled with letting her into my pain at first. But i had to. We sat down and communicated everything, how I was feeling, how she was feeling and she felt lost too. After that chat, we were a lot more connected.

I would recommend going to your GP, as you can always say no to medication and they could suggest counselling to help with grief and/or anxiety. I think sue ryder also offeres counselling so I would have a think about that too.

Some people have had luck with Cruse, but theyve stretched capacity in my area but you could also give that a try.

Again, you are not alone. And feel free to reach out to me if you ever need to.

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