My mum died 2 days ago

My wonderful mum died 2 days ago and I am struggling so much. I don’t know how I am going to get through this. She raised me as a single mum and even though I have an amazing husband and 2 children, I feel completely alone. I am an only child. My mum was only 55 and I am 35. It feels so unfair. I still have grandparents but not my mum. My house is only around the corner from hers and we spoke every day. She was my best friend and the best gran to my children. My children are in pieces but I feel like I can’t help them because I’m broken too. My husband is trying to comfort and look after us all but I feel I’m beyond help. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore, I feel like a scared child. My mum has had an eating disorder for as long as I can remember and everyone tried to help her but nothing changed. I feel angry that she’s gone. I feel angry that she has left me. I feel angry that I didn’t help her more. I feel angry that her parents didn’t help her more. I feel angry the doctors didn’t help her more. But most of all I feel absolutely devastated that I am never going to see her again. I’m not sure why I’m posting on here, I think I just needed to get my feelings out. Will it ever get easier?

Hello Sam2
I lost my Dad 5 weeks ago and I feel just like you. I have so much guilt and so much anger. I have 2 children who I adore and my mum who I am so close to but I really feel that I can’t go on.
2 days is so recent, but I realise 5 weeks is too. I’m terrified when I read posts on here saying that they feel as bad 2 & 3 years on.
I can’t see that it will ever be any easier if I’m honest and I’m reaching out for help and counselling but nothing is working fod me just yet. I rang Turning Point and they said they couldnt offer any help until 6 mths down the line.
Noone can bring my dad back so I guess my misery, guilt and regrets will remain as I can never say or do what I wish I had said and done.
I’m sorry for your loss - why does this happen to destry so many lives.
I’ve lost my faith too - I don’t recognise who I am
I’m sure some people will be more optimistic than me but I feel your pain and am so afraid on the forthcoming funeral.

Hi Gee1
I feel terrified that I won’t ever feel happiness again especially as my children are so young. I don’t want to ruin their childhood. My mum was in hospital for 3 weeks and then decided she wasn’t strong enough to get better and wanted to come home. She managed a week at home before she died. I knew it was going to happen but I still feel shocked and numb. It’s scary to think that my life was completely normal 5 weeks ago and now it will never feel the same again. She was my rock. She was the person I rang whenever I was worried or sad and now she’s gone I don’t know what to do. I see her everywhere (things she’s bought for me and the children, TV she liked) and it hurts. I’m sorry things aren’t getting any easier for you. I never knew how hard life could be.

No, same here. I’ve always been a worrier but I never kbew pain like this existed. I used to ring my Dad every day and probably spoke at least 3 times a day during lockdiwn.
I blame myself for everything and am lying awake here at 4am as I’m so scared about the funeral on Wednesday.
I need to speak but think I’ll fall to pieces. I’ll just be lettibg my Dad down afain. I believe this whole mess is my fault.
please let the world end today so that all this is over. Nobody will be left to mourn anyvody else and everyone will be together. I can’t live a life without Dad. I don’t deserve any kind of life as I feel everythingvis my fault. I’m such a let down and I’m sorry Dad.
This can’t be real
I need to wash my hair today, realise I haven’t washed it since the end of January. Such is my disiinterest in life. Dad I need you. This shouldn’t have happened and I am forever sorry. I’ll love you forever but it’s nof enough, memories arent enough. I NEED MY DAD.