My mum died recently

My mum passed away and I feel so angry. I can’t seem to cry like normal people.
I stop myself from crying and it makes me feel ill.

Hi Molly,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that your mum passed away. People react to grief in all kinds of different ways, and there isn’t really any such thing as ‘normal’ when coping. Anger is a common response, and not everybody reacts by crying. This article explains some more about the different emotions people may experience and how to cope: https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help/someone-close-to-me-has-died/advice-and-support/how-can-i-cope-with-bereavement

However, it is really important to have outlets for your emotions and not bottle things up, so if you do feel that you need to cry, it can be a good way to let it all out. It can also be really helpful to talk about your feelings, whether that’s with people around you, or by writing things down here on this site.

We have many users here who have lost a parent and will understand some of what you are going through. While you wait for more replies to this post, you may find it helpful to have a read of some of the other posts in our Losing a Parent category to see what other people’s experiences have been: https://support.sueryder.org/community/losing-parent. Feel free to reply to any conversations if you see someone you’d like to talk more to.

Hi Molly, my mum passed away a month ago. I have been feeling all different types of things which I’m sure is normal but it’s awful. It so so hard isn’t it. I am starting some counselling in 2 weeks but what can they say to me?
I hope you are as ok as you can be.

Hey Molly,

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum 7 years ago after a very short battle with cancer. I was 23 at the time and I was so angry because all of the conversations we had been having about the future, such as if I ever got married and had kids etc, turned into me being angry knowing she would never be there to see it. Don’t beat yourself up about not being able to cry. I lost my auntie last week who was like a second mum to me, and I don’t feel anything right now. I just feel numb. I’ve had a lot of experiences of death in the last few years, of people very close to me, and the main thing I’ve taken from each time is to let myself feel how I need to feel. No matter what that feeing is, I just let it out. Sending strength, and if you ever want to talk, get in touch. Gemma x

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My mum died when I was thirteen and at a convent boarding school. That was sixty years ago and I still haven’t cried. What did happen was that my school grades dropped dramatically and (to me) inexplicably. It was always my greatest fear every time I went away to school was that she would die and then she did. I blamed myself for not being a better person or praying enough. I dreamed about her for years afterwards. You have my greatest sympathy and I hope you get the support you need.

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