My mum died two days before my birthday

Losing a parent
1

My mum died suddenly 2 days ago. I live here in the UK, my family is in the US. I can’t fly out until Monday, and I’m losing my mind with grief.

Today is my birthday.

Since leaving home, she’s called me every year on my birthday, on the very time I was born. This year, I wrote her obituary and chose a dress for her memorial service. I posted a picture of her and I together on my 1st birthday - my sister and my dad chose this photo for her obituary and I can’t breathe…

My sister is at the house picking up the little things - her glasses, a book, her dirty coffee mug. How do you do your dead mother’s laundry? How do you tidy a life of 78 years away? I wouldn’t so much as be able to empty her glass of water. Surely there’s a time when all her things are gone, when all the dust she created is gone, just like she is.

I’ve been her molecules for every second of my life, and she’s no more.

I am glad I got to see her this summer, and the last call I had with her, she showed off her new glasses and was rightfully proud that she made it to 78 without needing eyewear. I told her how proud I am of my son, and send through a truly extraordinary short story he wrote.

I was going to call her the day before she died with news of a promotion, then I just…didn’t. I had a fight with my husband instead, and although I’m glad she didn’t die while worried about me, I fucking wish I’d have been able to see her face one last time.

I’m trying so hard to remember the last hug I gave her, at my cousin’s house, the day before my flight back to the UK. But it was so busy at the party, I can’t remember what she looked like when she was there.

It hurts so much, and so profoundly. I love her so much.

2

Hi @kclamb ,

Thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. You are not alone. I’m not sure if you’ve seen our Losing a parent category. But there you can connect with other members who are living with grief after losing a parent.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support to you. In the meantime, you might find these Sue Ryder resources helpful to read.

I hope you find the community to be a support to you.

Take good care and keep reaching out :blue_heart:

Alex

3

Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. There is no pain like it. It sounds like you were very close despite the distance and had a special relationship. Your visit in the summer and regular calls must be a comfort that you kept that strong connection across the miles.

I lost my mum 4 weeks ago and know the overwhelming feeling of loss and emptiness. The best advice I’ve had is to take it a day at a time. Don’t try to do too much at once.

Missing a birthday together makes the loss feel even more real (it’s mine next week and I have no interest in it).

I’m sure going home and being near to family will help you navigate this. Keep reaching out on here too. It’s a supportive community.