My mum is dying

Hi I’m sue , my mum is very poorly, she had blood clots in both legs and had an operation to remove them, the left leg is fine now but the right leg didn’t respond to the operation, she could have had it amputated but the consultant thought it was too risky so we made the very hard decision to bring her home to die , I am in bits , I’ve never lost a parent before so this is all new to me , I keep having panic attacks , am afraid of life without her , I’m trying to stay strong for my dad but it’s so hard , would appreciate any advice on how to cope

Oh sweetheart…so sad to read about your mum being so poorly. All I can say is you have to feel your way through this…say what you feel you must, cry when you need to, do what you feel is right…there is no right or wrong ways to deal with this, but if you are honest with your feelings you’ll know that , looking back on this time, you did what felt right…nobody can do more. Wishing you the strength to cope xxx

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I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum. I was in the same situation last Summer. My mum started feeling poorly on June 4th taken into hospital on the 24th and they quickly diagnosed terminal lung cancer which was very advanced. It was awful. I wasnt prepared at all and I couldn’t compute it or get my head round it all. I visited every day and she got worse before my eyes. She was so scared but also very calm and accepting of her illness. We didnt know how long she had and of course the doctors wont and cant predict. She lasted only 3 weeks. So I really feel for you and your mum. Just try and make the most of your time left together. I tried to but it’s so bittersweet as you know there is no hope. It has truly been the worst time and yes I too had panic attacks and dreadful anxiety. I dont know how you are computing what is happening but I didnt at all so dont worry if you are struggling. Sending you love xx

I’m so sorry for what you are going through It’s very hard to comprehend the news. And I’m not sure it really sinks in til a few months after they have gone. Very similar to mosie. Mum also a bit poorly. Dr kept telling her she had broken a rib. Her X-ray was all clear then she collapsed with a nasty chest infection. Actually it turned out to be metastasised cancer. She died two days after they told us that actually infact it wasn’t a virus but cancer and it was terminal. They said she had a few weeks. But she was so frightened I think the shock took her quick in just two days. I still can’t comprehend it. Things I wish I had done. Held her more. Told her more about how I felt about her. How thankful I was. It was so difficult to do this in just the two days we had as we didn’t want to frighten her. And we were in shock so my mind went numb.

But I wish I climbed on that bed and held her really tight. I didn’t because she was in too much pain. But now I wish somehow I had found a way. I wish I had told her how amazing and thankful I was
For her.

Hope that’s helps with things to think of to do and say to her.

Thank you hunny and yes it’s helped a lot x really sorry about your mum xx

Thanks for your reply mosie , it’s just so hard to accept, I watch her laid in the bed and I wonder is this her last breath, and it’s happening so fast I can’t process it , but hearing your story has helped me so much and I’m sorry for your loss xx

Thank you so much for your reply hunny , it means a lot to me xx