Everyone told me that the funeral would be the hardest… that was 2 days ago and I haven’t felt worse. It’s getting harder and harder. She was cremated and now she’s totally gone from this world. I want to be where she is.
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Hi Ocn
Just want to say I feel so proud of yo in getting through the funeral.My mam’s is Feb 6th and am dreading it.I know I will not get through it without breaking down so much.I don’t know how you coped but honestly be so proud of yourself.Its got to be the hardest thing in life we will ever do
Deborah x
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Hi OCn - I’m so sorry for your loss OCn. I know exactly how you’re feeling. My Mum died suddenly last November and I’m totally lost without her. I tried CPR but she ended up brain dead for a week and I feel so guilty as I should have let her just go peacefully. I was given a book by my work colleagues which is really helping me cope - it’s called ‘Beyond Goodbye’ by Zoe Clark-Coates and I would recommend it to anyone going through bereavement like us. It won’t bring our Mums back, but it really is helping me understand why I’m feeling the way I am right now. I just know our Mums would be proud of us and they’d want us to live the best life, but at the moment I think we just need time to grieve, and come to terms with the loss.
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Hi Seychelles - I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m going through the same grief as my also Mum died suddenly last November. I was dreading the funeral but I got through it with the strength of my dad and my partner. There’s no shame in crying either - it’s an expression of love for your Mum. There’s no time limit for grief. I got through my Mum’s and I’m sure you will find the strength to get through your Mum’s. Hold on to those memories - no-one can take them away from you x
I barely got through it but it was honestly a beautiful service for her. It was so personal but I cried my eyes out from the minute I saw the hearse. The flowers, music, photos, everything was perfect but I just can’t stop going over her last few days with us. I feel sick wondering if she knew it was going to happen or if she was in hospital that day thinking she’d be home soon then went to sleep and never woke up. I hate that thought but I hate to think that she was scared. I’ve had a dream since then that I was sitting on her sofa talking to her and she told me that she knew I was there holding her hand, and she had accepted that she was dying but was scared for everyone she was leaving behind.
Hi Ocn
I ask myself all the time did my mam know she was going to pass soon and was she scared
I always used to end up crying and changing the subject if during the past few years she ever spoke about dying but now I wish we had spoken more it was always so upsetting at the time I just wish at the last few days I had asked her if she was frightened and was there anything she wanted to ask I feel gutted o didn’t ask her
Deborah x
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Seychelles,
Are you the same in the way that you hope they knew but had accepted it? It’s the only way I can process it.
The pain is both emotional and physical, I’m so done with life.
Hi Ocn
The pallitive team at the hosp told my mum they were fast tracking her home bec she was dying.There was no warning.They just came in and said it.So my mum knew bec she said to me the next day maybe we would have a miracle.When she came home for the three weeks before she died I am not sure if she fully understood bec she asked the nurse if she could have her flu jab and kept telling me she would be better the next day.I never liked to approach the subject with her bec I know she would have known I would get upset.I feel mad with myself for not talking to her about it just on case she wanted to talk about it.
She woke up one afternoon in a terrible state of anxiety saying she had had a dream and that she had died and she had seen her grave with pretty flowers on it and a headstone saying she died on the 29th.i reassured her she hadn’t died as she got so upset and was shaking with being so scared.I calmed her and made a cuppa and put the lights on so she could see she was at her house.The whole incident petrified me.This happened approx Dec 10th so I was very worried getting nearer to 29th as my mam was getting so much worse.She died on Dec 3Oth but I am sure she would have gone on the 29th if I hadn’t woken up every night every hour to give her water.i was always too upset to talk about dying to her and said I would face it when the time came and not for her to worry about anything.Yes I think she knew bec the day before she died I bought her a new nightie and she said Deb don’t waste your money bec I won’t be here long.My mam was very aware of how upset I used to get so I am sure she knew she was dying and just took it in her stride.She passed peacefully with me holding her hand and my son the other hand wearing her new nightie I will miss her for ever and I just can’t see a life for me anymore I know it’s awful to say but I don’t want to be here.Nothing matters anymore.Evsrything is pointless Thinking of you xDeborah
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Hi Ocn,
Just checking in on you today. Thinking of you ok and post here whenever you need to.
It helps me so much
Deborah x
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Hi OCn,
I’m very sorry for the loss of your mum.
I lost my dad in November shortly after a cancer diagnosis. The days following the funeral were particularly difficult for me. I think up until that point i had been caring for dad and living on adrenaline / stress and then after he passed away we had to plan and get through the funeral. After the funeral there was just an emptiness.
It’s extremley difficult to lose a loved one who has always been there. There are lots of people here who understand.
Sending love.
Xx
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I don’t even know what to say anymore. I just want to be wherever she is.
Hi Ocn
I know how you feel about wanting to go with her. I feel the same as you. The realisation that I will never see her again is so raw. I know my mam wouldnt want me to say things like this though and I am sure your mum wouldnt want you to say it either. We have to find a way to get through each day or even break it down to half days. I am struggling even with an hour.
Don’t say anything Just rest as much as you can and sleep if you can. Write down your thoughts on here bec everyone understands. I know I do.
Deborah x
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Thank you seychelles. Hope you’re doing ok. I’ve been quiet on here recently just trying to keep myself busy. I have a 3 month old baby so that’s not difficult. She keeps me going right now but when she’s not there I just sit and cry constantly. I don’t think I’ll ever feel properly happy again. My brother and sister are meeting tonight at my mum and dads house for dinner and I know my mum would have loved this to happen while she was still alive. I’m going to try and go but I find it so upsetting being in her house. Everything is hers. Even the frozen portions of stew and soup in the freezer. I just miss her so much
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I know it’s tough going for sure.My mum’s funeral is Tom and can’t sleep tonight at all.Am in a dreadful state
I lost my Mam in November last year after a very traumatic week leading up to it. I totally sympathise with you. The feeling of loss is overwhelming & the yearning makes feel so awful . I take it minute by minute. Some days I smile, some I cry, some I do both on & off. Validate each feeling. I’m reading a book by Megan Devine called , It’s Ok that I am Not Ok. It’s really helping. If you are on IG follow her on Refuge in Grief, It’s a really helpful page. Much love to you xx
Hey, how did the funeral go? How are you feeling now?
Hi OCn.
Wonderful to hear from you again Yes mum’s funeral was on Feb 6th.Itcwent as well as it could.Everyone did their bit at the church The curate who conducted it was so lovely and the canon read the Eulogy beautiful.The music was lovely too as I chose all her favourites We had a mixture of Welsh and English songs. At the crem we played Lewis Capaldi’s song called Pointless bec my son is his cameraman and the song was so appropriate for my son’s relationship with his nan
In the song it says I take her coffee in the morn take her out to fancy restaurants and to the cinema All these things hey did tog so it was a tribute from him to her .I had chosen another song but changed it for him as they were so close.
The tea afterwards was lovely .The hotel made the most lovely food and it was a sort of Welsh themed afternoon tea S he would have loved it.I decorated the tables with daffodils from her garden and put Welsh items like a dragon welsh doll lovespoons leeks etc on the food table. Then we had a private family get together after everyone left.
I have been ill the past few days with a chest infection I think now that the funeral is over all my energy seems to have sapped and I feel drained.Hope tom will be better. The grief is no better though That is still the same.I am going to get over this chest infection and try to find coping mechanisms because I feel a mess at the moment I don’t know how husband is putting up with me.
I managed to change all the utilities at my mum’s house to my name which wasn’t easy at all.I seemed to be on the phone ages trying to get through to the right person.Also have completed all the forms for probate so am waiting to hear back from them.Didnt realise I had to do them on line.Makes it so much easier though as I have lost my confidence in going out since mum passed.I just love staying in my house as it gives me the feeling of being safe and no one can get at me.
I still have so much to sort out at mum’s house but will wait until the probate tell me to go ahead.Then I have to sell her house which will be sole destroying but has to be done.I am going to keep a lot of her furniture as lots of it are new and will lol great at my house I will also feel mum is here with us also.
Today I placed a photo of mum on the sideboard It was the last photo I took of her when we went on holiday last Sept. Put a candle alongside the photo and some fairy lights.It has really helped me .I look at it and no matter where in the room I am it’s like she is smiling at me.Its so lovely.
What’s been happening with you?
If you want you can pm me anytime
Deborah x