I have just joined this forum as I am hoping to meet people who are going through/have been through a similar situation to me.
My mum, who is 60, was diagnosed with primary breast cancer in 2009, and despite chemotherapy, radiotherapy and surgery, was diagnosed in 2011 with advanced breast cancer (mets in her bones). She has had various treatments since then which stabilised the disease for quite a length of time, yet the progression of the disease has now taken over. She was admitted to hospital about 3 weeks ago due to a very traumatic bleed, was kept in for 10 days or so, and was moved to a hospice a couple of weeks ago.
Whilst this hospice (a Sue Ryder hospice) is incredible in its care for mum, and I could not have hoped for a better place for her to be in at this stage, the deterioration has all happened so quickly. Whilst she can be awake, completely lucid and pragmatic about what is happening, comfortable and content, she is often asleep, or confused, or suffering somehow – pain, agitation, fear, sadness. It is agony to watch, and I am so helpless. My brother and I are living here at the hospice, sleeping in a chair and a fold out bed in her room, helping to care for her round the clock, and just be with her through this. We did the same at the hospital, so it has been quite some time living in this weird bubble.
Although I am not alone, I am really, really starting to struggle. Nights are mostly unsettled to some degree, so sleep is snatched when possible, and broken. Sleep deprivation probably isn’t helping my feelings of anger, frustration and sadness, but I am getting more and more overwhelmed by the whole situation as days go by. I am losing my mum. She is still so young - she doesn’t want to leave us, and I don’t want her to leave us. She will miss out on so much that she has been looking forward to. She is the most amazing mum, she has been through so many terrible things throughout her life, and she doesn’t deserve this. I love her so, so much. My heart is breaking.
I have been reluctant to join this forum as I haven’t joined one before, but to be honest, I need all the help I can attempt to get at the moment.