I dont really know what to say, my beloved mum suddenly passed away from a brain bleed a couple of weeks ago. I really dont know how to come to terms with this. I was so close to her, we shared everything, it was not her time to go, she should have had more time.
I have a huge family and friend support but i feel so alone. I need my mum…
I think I am managing by almost pretending its not happened even though i have visited a few times in the funeral home. Im not sure what to do. I am off work for another 5 weeks and the funeral is next week, I think it may hit me then to be fair. Any advice appreciated
I’m so sorry for your loss @Clur and I’m sending healing hugs to you at this sad time. I’m sure you have gone into self preservation mode and if this gets you through these difficult days, don’t fight it and look after yourself and talk, cry, remember precious times…anything that gets you through each day.
I hope visiting your Mum is helping you - I know it did with me and my Dad. I went to see him a number of times and the day before his funeral I took flowers, letters and photos and placed them with him and that really helped during the service for me to imagine how he looked the last time I’d seen him, surrounded by so much love through the items we left.
Its been 11 months now since my Dad passed and each day is different for me and the grief creeps in at so many random moments. But I have so many easier moments than I did and for me, time is making the raw heart ache easier but I miss his more, the longer I’ve not seen him. What I wish I had done is sought grief counselling sooner than I did but I’m now having counselling and its really helped me. Start the ball rolling now, as it can take a while.
I’m sure your Mum’s service will be an opportunity to celebrate such a special person. I’m sorry you didn’t have more time with your Mum but it sounds like the time you had was amazing and you’ll carry that love forever in your heart. Sending
Hi @Clur
Im so sorry for your lose. I totally agree with the things Jess said amd can relate to what you are saying. I too lost my mum suddenly and unexpectedly. The shock was huge and i went into self preservation mode someone getting from one day to the next. I had massive anxiety which initially overwhelmed the grief. But i had to do all the practical stuff of organising everything which probably helped. I had counselling quite early on too as i needed to be able to process it all. The funeral filled me with fear but it actually went really well and i feel we did her proud and celebrated her life. Like jess says i still miss her terribly 7 months on because its the longest i have been without seeing her in my life. All i can say is be gentle with yourself, it is still so raw. This site really helps as everyone understands what you are going through
I’m sorry for your loss too @Loubeelou and all you said has resonated so much with my experiences. I was just like you with your Mum and absolutely dreaded my Dad’s service but in the end it was exactly what he would have wanted and was so like him; joyful, calm, funny (with some of the photos shown during the photo tribute part of the service and in the eulogies given by my brother and my adult daughter) and all round a beautiful tribute to his life.
My Dad was very old (nearly 92) but pretty fit and healthy and yet his passing was still such a shock because of the swiftness of it all. He developed pneumonia and after a very brief spell in hospital he was gone At one point the drs thought he had turned a corner but he just got worse. He also had a kidney infection and so he was delirious pretty much from the time he went to hospital and in the 12 days he was there I never got to have a proper conversation with him, even though we kept up a 24/7 vigil for 9 days as he kept pulling off his oxygen mask and have peri-arrests. He was so confused
What we all did as a family, and with my friends, from day one was talk about my Dad. It really helped as he was such a funny, gentle man, everyone had so many stories about him. We laugh about things now and it keeps him, well the memory of him, alive with us still.
You mention anxiety - strangely I get so anxious about all sorts now and I don’t know why. So many things set me off - being in traffic jams is a major one and I feel so claustrophobic and hemmed in. Weird as I feel its getting worse as times goes on and not better.
I hope you’re doing well and dealing better with the unexpected loss of your Mum
Thank you both, its just so sad isnt it, one day they are here and one day they are not. My mum was only 69 fit and well went to bed fine, then had a brain haemorrhage in the middle of the night, she was breathing but never regained consciousness and passed away the following afternoon in hospital with all her family. I just cant get my head round it, and im a nurse and that makes it worse knowing more. i wish we could have had some warning so we could have said proper goodbyes and she could have understood us. She had only retured 3 years ago and was loving every minute of it.
It just makes you realise a job is a means to provide an income to enable you to enjoy life, not to consume it. And live everyday like its your last is so true. I know with time, it will get easier to cope, but at the minute I am just not able to accept it.
That’s all so sad @Clur - I’m so sorry you never got to say goodbye. The same thing happened to my friend when she was 20 and her mum woke up with a massive headache, cancelled a shopping trip with her and was in hospital by that evening, with a brain haemorrhage, from which she never came around. Such a cruel way to go. I hope in time you’ll get some comfort knowing your Mum was enjoying her retirement, albeit it way too short.
And you’re absolutely right, living every day like it means something is so true. Carry your Mum’s love and ambitions with you and do all you can, in her memory. It sounds like you had a lovely relationship and built so many memories in the time you were given
Its funny you mention being a nurse because im a paramedic, and like you i couldnt do a thing to help her. Post mortem said it was pneumonia yet she spoke to her sister hours before she died and wasnt even complaining of feeling ill. She then rang me but didnt speak, i could just hear the tv in the background. I thought she had pocket dialed me and didnt call her back on the landline. Cant help beat myself up that if i had of done and she didnt answer would i have gone round to her house and found her before she died. Its so hard
At one point the drs thought he had turned a corner but he just got worse. He also had a kidney infection and so he was delirious pretty much from the time he went to hospital and in the 12 days he was there I never got to have a proper conversation with him, even though we kept up a 24/7 vigil for 9 days as he kept pulling off his oxygen mask and have peri-arrests. He was so confused 