My mum

Hi everyone I’m new here, I’m katie I’m 39 years old and live with my partner and in June this year I lost my mum to lung cancer she had already overcome ovarian cancer but then it had spread to her lungs, I was ther when she died and it was so upsetting and since then I’ve not been myself since her funeral too I’m not quite sure how I feel although I’m gutted I’m devasted I don’t really hav anyone to talk about it to my partner is trying but sonst quite get it, I used to b happy and laugh and now I’ don’t find things funny or laugh really, just wondering if anyone is in the same position
Thank u kindly

Hi Katie

I’m so sorry to hear you lost your mum. I’ll tell you about my experience and hope that makes you feel less alone. I lost my mum in August 2019. I cannot really explain the grieving process as it’s all over the place. It doesn’t follow in the same stages as other people or a neat line. All I know is it is a rollercoaster of emotion and the loneliest most heart breaking experience I have ever gone through. I have a husband and children. But they do not understand. It took me a long time to laugh. And I mean genuinely laugh. I still don’t really feel genuine happiness or joy. But it does creep in here and there. It’s a crap cliche. But once where my world was very very dark in the first 6 months especially… The sun is starting to peep through a bit now. And I’m Sure it will come one day where I start look forward to things and experience more happiness. I have a big part of me missing now. There are two parts to me. Before mum. And after mum. The me that is now in place will never be the me before mum died. So now this new me has to find my way. Everything you are feeling is normal. It’s a long process. One that never really ends. We just become stronger at dealing with it. 14 months on. Yes I’m stronger. But I’ll never be the same again. I don’t think we want to be. But the rawness does go in time. You will get stronger.

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Hi thank u, everything u sed makes sense and I understand it will take time sorry for your loss its good to no there r other ppl out ther that understands how I feel I hope I’ll get the old me back one day I’ll never forget my mum but like u sed the sunshine will creep in, thank u

Hi Kittykat

Sorry to read that you have lost your mum. Jooles has put it very well.
I too used to be a very happy, fun loving person. My dad dying 22 years ago knocked that side out of me for a year or so but I soon returned to being me.
However losing my mum suddenly 16 months ago has lost the old me again.
I rarely laugh or find things funny. Occasionally I laugh at something on the tv or something my daughter has said but it doesnt last for long.
I miss my mum so much. As jooles has said, chunks of light do start breaking through but the sadness remains.
I’m hoping in time that the fun and laughter does return. Because that is what my mum and all our mums would want for us.
Cheryl x

Hi Cheryl, sorry for your loss and yes u r right my mum was always a happy smiley person who loved a joke she wouldn’t want me to b sad but it’s nice knowing ther r ppl out ther to talk to

There are lots of us in the same boat. This site has been a lifeline for me x

I’m hoping to talk to others like me and that it will help

Hi Katie, so sorry for the loss of your Mum. I can relate to you as I lost my Mum to lung cancer in March and still can’t believe she has gone at times. We were close and she was a friend as well as Mum. I have been through many emotions from shock, denial, anger and tears. I find the only way to cope most of the time is to keep busy. I do have a young son, so he keeps me busy a lot of the time, but I find evenings really hard. It’s so hard when the one person who could help us through this is not here anymore. I also find it difficult to talk to those around me and have found it helpful to come on here and speak to others going through the same awful time. It sounds like what you are feeling is a normal part of grief. You have already had some great advice above, but I just really wanted you to know that you’re not alone in this and we are here if you want someone to talk to. Feel free to message anytime if it helps you x

Hi Kittykat

I’m so sorry about your mum. I know how you are feeling. I lost my mum to cancer at the end of August. Everyone on here is so supportive.

Leading up to my mum’s death, I posted a lot. Mostly in despair, and people helped me thru a lot of the pre grieving.

I am lying here now crying while my husband sleeps. You are so right, they can’t relate at all. I have 2 children too, 7 and 13. It is such a rollercoaster. It just hits you sometimes from absolutely nowhere. On Saturday morning it hit me as I was brushing me teeth, so random. I was so upset, as I can’t remember her properly before she was ill and wonder if I ever will.

She fell poorly in April 2019. It’s made 1000 times worse by trying to grieve through this pandemic, when you need people around you, but can’t have them.

Mum got admitted to hospital about a week before she died, she had an infection which turned out to be sepsis. We were called into the hospital on the Wednesday, and were able to stay with her until she passed away on the Saturday. Those days we had with her to say goodbye were so precious. I took a speaker in to the hospital, and we played music to her the whole time. I thank god that we had that time, I just still can’t believe she’s gone,

It is the most traumatic thing I think we will ever face, and sadly friends and those close to us that haven’t experienced it can’t really be the support we actually need. It’s only once you are living this nightmare that you can truly empathise. Take care, thinking of you x.

Thank u and I’m sorry for Yr loss, I miss her everyday I get days like that 2 I just don’t no how I feel anymore x

I had a moment in the shower this morning where I went “oh god she’s gone”. Those moments aren’t as frequent now. And I’m further down the line from all of you. But it still knocks me sideways. I played music to mum in her last hours. All her favourites. I find them hard to listen to now. If queen comes on the car radio I have to pull over.

They played Queen at my mums funeral and your never walk alone I can’t listen to them without crying x

Ah love queen. So many memories of mum listening them. She had queen at her funeral. “These are the days of our lives”. And “over the rainbow” by Judy garland.

I haven’t been able to listen to music at all since my mum died. Music was a big part of our lives. Growing up I listened to 50s and 60s music and still love them now. But all music makes me cry.
I choose to listen to LBC and the tv.
I wonder if I will ever be able to

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Morning all, I’m feeling a bit dwn today missing my mum and with Xmas coming up she loved Christmas will b the first one wiv out her just feeling meh, other half don’t really help he’s bovered about unimportant stuff just is shit reall😔

Hi kittykat,
The run up to xmas is horrible now. Last night every advert was a xmas one and I ended up turning the tv off to get away from it
Last year I avoided the high street and all festivities right up till xmas day. The actual day itself wasnt so bad to be honest.
Try not to expect too much of yourself x

It’ll b hard but I no my mum wouldn’t want me to b sad I’m sure there’s other people in the same boat and thank u

Our mums would want us to be happy but that doesnt mean we magically can be. I’m sure in time it will be a comfort but for now the raw pain and loss takes over
There definitely are lots in the same boat sadly. This site is just a snippet of those that are going through bereavement and pain.
Distractions are good. I work long hours at times and I love a good book or film.

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