My mum

My mum died last year, not long after her diagnosis and those weeks up to her death and after were the hardest and most painful weeks of my life. Although she had a terminal diagnosis I never actually thought she would die so quickly and even though I know it was the best for her given the death she could have had I still can not believe the pain I felt and how much I still miss her and wish she was still here. She is my first thought of every day and the last thought before I go to sleep, I re live those last hours at her bedside and wish I could change it. Last week was hard, she loved watching Wimbledon, going into marks and spencers is hard, I constantly see clothes that she would have liked. When adverts for coronation street come on I wish I could watch it with her (although I don’t actually like it!) I miss our daily telephone calls chatting about all sorts of rubbish and telling her the latest children updates. There is some truth in the fact that time is a healer and I do feel less sad but would never have imagined that it would be so hard.

Hello Joy.

I think we all wish we could go back and change things with these terrible situations. It’s natural to go over them in your head and to always think about your loved one during the first months, weeks and even years.

I don’t think anyone realises how difficult it is when someone so close to you dies. Everyone’s experiences and grief is different, and it is especially difficult when you are constantly reminded of them - even by little things like you mention.

But in a way, this can be a good thing - comforting to have things that remind you of them and help you to remember. As time moves on people sometimes feel guilty if they don’t think about their loved one for a while, but this is natural and all part of the grieving process. It doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten - just that you’re learning to accept, cope and live with that’s happened.

I hope you have a look at some of the other posts here in the community as there are a fair few other people with similar stories that might offer you support and comfort. And thank you for sharing.

Does anyone in the community have a similar story to Joy - perhaps around how you’ve coped with the little reminders that appear in our every day loves and can be hard to manage?

Dear Joy,

It sounds like you’re having a really rough time, I wish I could make it easier for you.

Thank you Sarah, it sounds more rough than it actually is to be fair, writing it down makes it sound awful. I am functioning quite well really, managing the children, family life, work and normal day to day things and no one around would know how I’m feeling inside. I could never have imagined it would be so hard and also feel guilty that when friends have lost loved ones in the past that I may not have been as sympathetic as I could have been.
It’s just the hardest process I’ve ever been through and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
But I do feel better than I did, it hurts less and the sadness is not as raw. Just the sleeping that could do with sorting!
J

Hi. People are sympathetic I can be there for each other but nobody knows the pain untill they loose someone they love…nothing can prepare anyone for this… I knew I was going to loose my mam and I thought I had prepared myself but its not as easy as that

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