My mum

Losing a parent
1

Hi,
This is my first time here, I have just got back from saying goodbye to my mum. We have had a constant roller-coaster for 19 days with her in ICU. My mum is my best friend we are so close and I don’t know how I’m supposed to put a brave face on for my children. She will pass at any moment. I wasn’t going to go and see her for a final goodbye but I’m so glad I did now. I can’t see my life without her or how I’m supposed to carry on I’m absolutely heartbroken :broken_heart: can someone please advise what I’m to do :pensive: she was my person who I told everything too. Although I have my dad and sister it’s not the same I’m so lost

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Hi Dolly86

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. I’m part of the Online Community team and I want to say thank you for reaching out. This must be an incredibly difficult time for you and you are doing a brave thing by asking for support. You deserve care.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer you further support and care, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful in the coming days.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care, Rhi

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I am so sorry you lost your wee mammy, i did too, on April 24th this year,after only 6 days in hospital. She too was my best friend and the person i spoke to every day or every other day. I am married with 2 kids aged 7 and 11 and have a loving husband, but like you, feel so lost and alone in my grief. I struggled and dont have an answer for you. I can tell you what i did if that helps? I went back to work 3wks after my mum passed and everyone said it was too soon. Then i saw it as being useful and a welcome distraction from crying every day and feeling numb. I am a teacher, so always busy. But now i realise being distracted and compartmentalising was wrong and just delayed my grief from being processed. Then 3 weeks ago i was signed off work for 2wks as i felt like i couldnt keep my mask of being ‘fine’ on. I just wanted to cry all the time. My dr recommended online or telephobellne counselling as waiting list for face to face very long. I wasnt sure but gave marie curie online chat a go and it helped a little. I also joined this community and knowing i wasnt the only one suffering helped a little too. Nothing can fix how you feel, only feeling it can help you heal over time. You have to stop, take time to talk through what happened to your mum to whoever you want or do what i did and record yourself on phone, this was self therapy for me. Listening back was beneficial. Do this when you are ready. More importantly take time to just ‘be’. Dont let anything distract you from your feelings and thoughts.let them out. Hope that something here helps even in a little way. Always here to chat. Sending love. Mo

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Thank you so much for your kind words :broken_heart: my two are 3 and 6 so trying to keep it together they don’t fully understand. I feel so alone in my grief as well I can’t focus I’m just existing at the moment. I’ve started writing down how I feel when it becomes overwhelming. I’m so sorry for your loss as well :heart:

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I am so sorry for your loss. I too have recently joined the club no one wants to ever be in. I lost my mum just 8 days ago. She died just 8 days after being diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. Mum was a very young, fit and healthy 78 year old who loved life and was always planning her next adventure. Didn’t smoke or drink, ate healthy, did exercise. I can’t process what has happened right now but am just missing her. I don’t think I’ve ever gone 8 day’s without some contact with my mum in my whole life. I don’t know how I am going to face a future without mum. I cannot comprehend that she has gone

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I am so sorry you have lost your beautiful mum and totally understand how you feel. Just let your emotions happen, take all the time you need. There are no words or ways to fix what you feel, your heart may feel broken, you may feel empty and abandoned and hopeless. You have lost your best friend and nothing can replace that. But, you will get through this , little by little at your own pace. There is no set way to heal and no timeline. We are all here for you, to listen and share. Xx

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Thankyou. It means a lot and although I don’t wish this on anyone else, it is comforting to hear other peoples experiences and how they have coped xx

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