Hello, i am new here andi guess pretty new to experiencing such greif too.
I have recently lost my mum and finding it so hard without her. My mum was a poorly women and faced a number of illnesses through out her life but was a real warrior and somehow always battled through. For the last 2 years she was on Dialysis which failed a lot so not uncommon to spend nights in hopsital so when i received a text from my dad one day that she was in hospital i guess i didnt panic so much but i had reason to. After calling my dad once i finished work i’d learnt that my mum had actually had a major heart attack where she died for a couple of minutes and then a second one a couple of hours later but thankfully at that time she was in hospital and she was able to tell them so she got the correct care. But this scared me so much and i was expecting the worst. She was admitted to ICU and then seemed to get better. She was up chatting and having a laugh. When we checked in her in the morning we were told she had a bad night but again seemed ok. The second night was similar to the first, she was very poorly but they were talking about fitting a pace maker so as scary as it was we thought she would be coming home.
I will never forget that phone call though from my dad to say she wasnt and that we had been asked to go spend her last hours with her. She was asleep when we arrived and woke shortly after, once she had clocked us all she knew her time was up and hearing her say that she didnt want to die broke me so much. Being a fighter though she lasted a lot longer than they thought and even at one point she really perked up, she was laughing with us all, smiling and just being how she always was. That time was so precious and i know i am so lucky to have had it with her.
Her heart was only working at 15% by the end and you could see that her body was shutting down, she wasnt comfortable and in alot pain. I have to keep telling myself its for the best and that she is now pain-free but i am so angry that she has been taken. Some days i cant cry and then others all i do is cry.
We had a lovely funeral for her this week and i know she would have been proud but i seem to be struggling more now thats over. Days since her death leading up to the funeral i spent it with my family and now i just feel alone. People keep asking me if i am ok and when i say no there response is to ask why and i find that so stupid, am i supposed to have got over it already?.
The mornings are the hardest, that moment when the reality hits. I’m just so broken.
Hi @Mooch26 ,
So sorry for your loss. I can totally relate, i lost my mum last May and I still miss her terribly and even more so now. I’m incredibly angry at the moment and go through days still of tears then not. Some peoples reactions / words are bat poop crazy, but this is not a reflection of you, thats 100% on them, they just don’t know how to react or understand grief yet, ignore it and keep thinking its not personal cause its not, its just lack of understanding. There is no timeline in grieving, you do whats right for you. Some days / moments will be good and some wont be and i think we will live with these moments for the rest of our lives, take it a moment at a time or a day at a time. Sending hugs, always here to chat if needed xx