Where to start….
3 years ago my mum was diagnosed with Cancer my Dad COPD.
Whilst caring for both my parents, I was more concerned about losing my mum.
Unexpectedly my Dad became worse but he normally bounced back unfortunately this time he didn’t and he passed away 
at home with myself and my mum.
We were crushed and my mum stopped her cancer treatment…
But luckily she had 3 years clear this year …then out of the Blue…
She became unwell with a Varicose Vein 
It was horrendous and she was left to suffer , misdiagnosed and treated with blood thinners when it was a bleed on the brain in which the blood thinners contributed to her becoming Brain dead 
For days the hospital was treating her for something else when I kept telling them something was wrong inside her head they kept trying to convince me to let the antibiotics work, after 48 hours and my mum getting worse they did a brain scan .. my mum was agitated , upset and in pain the whole time then they picked up a bleed on the brain in which the time they were treating her for something else they were continuing her blood thinners. I looked her journey when I could and put in a complaint.
The medical examiner has now stated they have asked if mediation has contributed to her death and after a response it has now gone to a coroner
It has been so Traumatic seeing my mum in so much pain begging for help
I have put in complaints But I am struggling…
ive shut everyone out for days …stayed at my mums in my bed most of the time.
I just don’t no how I’m supposed to act or cope . My job is asking for me to go back 
I just don’t feel like my head would be in it yet.
Do u try to get back some normality? .
I was recently promoted prior to this I just feel my mum was my backbone
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It’s arwful how the hospitals/ doctors get it wrong. My nan passed away with mistreatment and was given blood thinners after a clot in her leg. They gave her the wrong medication as they should have been treating her lupus. She developed another clot in her brain and never walked again and deteriorated so quickly.She has dementia and the whole process has scared me. I miss her so much and feel so guilty I didn’t pull her out of hospital or took her home. I dunno I just look at all the ways possible that she could still be here. I’ve put in a complaint but Havernt heard back and it’s been months now. It unfortunately seem common that hospital mistreat people. It’s very sad. Just imagine if they had no1.
I’m struggling atm with constant thoughts of what ifs. It’s arwful.
Hello
I’m sorry remembering names isn’t one of my strong points
I’m sorry you have both lost loved ones this way. My dad was treated terribly in hospital too, they wanted to discharge him with a fractured spine, broken ribs and flu that turned to pneumonia. It was only after I raised a safeguarding issue that they transferred him after 9 days in a discharge lounge to an end of life bed where he died three days later. I still live with the guilt of not doing more but I did all I could at the time.
My complaint was heard and they said further training was being given to staff in that department. They assured me that in future dementia patients would be flagged and treated accordingly. Who knows if they did
I think we do all we can at the time, we have to let it go. I know my dad wouldn’t want me to beat myself up about something I couldn’t change and believe me I tried.
About going back to work. All I know is what a lady in my bereavement group said, she said thank god I had work to throw myself into. We all have to live the best life we can, that’s what our loved ones would want.
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It’s an awful process the hospital is just arwful. Least your dad had you fighting his corner they need more people to keep fighting. Have you thought about going to medical negligence solicitors?. Or citizens advise. I think all hospitals need more inspections like care homes I don’t know how they are just accepted how they run.
A nurse from my nans home said it helps when patients have relatives there as it shows the hospital that there is a person behind the number. I can’t imagine if I hadn’t been there. I do beat myself up terrible she had so many hospital visits and was always unwell and the trauma and worry made us both weak. I look back and think why didn’t I see more clearly but I think I was just worn down.
It just makes my mind race.
Dear McCoy
That’s just it, we were exhausted. I sat with the lead doctor of the unit one day and begged him to transfer dad to a ward, he wasn’t even listening. That’s what I beat myself up for, I just couldn’t fight any longer.
I do have to say though the emergency response when I lost my husband couldn’t have been better if he’d been the king. Three ambulances one with a trauma team, then they worked so hard to keep him going all the way to a specialist trauma unit.
I think it’s the amount of older people that are admitted, they are overwhelmed. I have sat in accident and emergency so many nights where nearly every bed was someone like dad.
I’m so so sorry - there is absolutely no wonder you don’t know if you are on your head or your heels.
First things first - you need your own doctor in your corner to sign you off while you process the immediate aftermath. While they can’t achieve miracles, they should at least be able to buy you some time by giving you a sick note for the office.
Do you have a partner/ close relatives you can draw upon for support - with practical (eg getting in groceries) and emotional help?
And finally in due course (not now you have far too much to deal with) you may want some financial / legal advice in due time as two deaths in quick succession can be a tax nightmare.
Sending serious hugs. J
It’s all exhausting and fretful. I look back at situations and think why didn’t I do this or that what was I thinking. I’m full of what ifs my mind doesn’t seem to switch off moving from one to another. I think I had abit of a breakdown and trauma it’s arwful how old people are treated and the constant battle family have to fight. I did it all alone and seems worse than having someone else to help make decisions or help.
My nan went to a care home she went as she was lonely and wanted a break for myself but it was where she deteriorated so quickly. Then the hospital were involved and they were terrible aswell. I feel naive to how I thought specialists knew what they were doing.
Is so sad that it all lead to this. Is unimaginable. I miss her so much.