My nan

I lost my nan a few weeks ago I feel so lost. I know it’s not a bereavement like a parent or a spouse but I have hardly any family now so it’s left a really big hole even though she was very elderly and I couldn’t really have asked for longer. At Christmas it was just the three of us mum, nana and me (I lost my dad 10 years ago), and I had finally gotten over my dads death and enjoyed it just being the three of us all the time, it’s all I needed. My mum was caring for my nan and living with her and I lived on my own but now my mum has moved in with me but I feel SO much more lonelier than before even though I now have company at home. It was so perfect before my mum living with my nan keeping her company and me living on my own I didn’t feel lonely but now I do.

There are some positives like we got to spend one last Christmas together (I was there a lot over Christmas) because I worried she wouldn’t make it to that, although she definitely wasn’t herself some of the time because her dementia had suddenly got worse. She also stayed at home til the end which was her wish if possible but I think really the last few days we needed more help than we got, my mum had said no to carers as she was managing (just) but really think we needed them towards the end. I also don’t have the worry of getting that phone call anymore. I’m crying a lot now, the first few weeks I just felt sick and now I’m just crying, I didn’t appreciate how good I had it.

Hi Bethany, I’m really sorry about the death of your grandmother, what you are feeling is natural, grandparents are such a large part of our lives, and when they’ve gone we miss them dreadfully, your Mum is also grieving and obviously thinks that by moving in with you, is going to help you both, things do get easier in time, support each other and you will start to live your lives again, sending love Jude xx

Hi Jude,

Oh I’m certainly glad she’s living with me right now I just mean it’s odd how much lonelier I feel now than before when I lived on my own. It’s because my family just got SO much smaller and I really couldn’t afford to lose anyone. I know this could’ve happened 10+ years ago and I’m lucky I had my nan so long but it’s incredibly lonely having such a small family and my mum is not getting any younger either, I don’t have a family of my own and not likely to.