It’s late, can’t sleep, I say can’t sleep it’s prolly more like I won’t let myself go to sleep. My Anthony isn’t here, he is back in the hospital slowly dying. I feel guilty when I need to leave. I feel guilty for not being there more. My best friend is leaving this world…my mind is all over the place…Its literally just been Anthony and I the last 5yrs…24-7, 365 days a year, 1,825 days =5yrs which is 40,320hrs. I just spent several hrs at the hospital earlier…I’ve been back to my temporary home a couple hrs and I fed and watered the dog and cat and changed my clothes and have sat here in complete silence…I don’t have any friends…I’m not lonely I JUST WANT MY ANTHONY BACK…and today I could see for the time he is fading away…
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Sending so much love to you 
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To Nofuksgiven
My heart prayers and best wishes are with you. I was in a similar position back in June . My wife of 33 years was told that’s it nothing more could be done for her after surgery in Sept 2024 , 8 months of chemotherapy then end of life for 20 days at home. We were extremely fortunate to have Sally at home which is where she insisted on being. We were given days by GP and oncologist but Sally battled hard , too hard . I watched the life slowly draining from her but we never gave up ,right up to the last second of the last minute of the last hour of that last day July 7 th, 11.48pm.
There is nothing I can say that eases the pain apart from just be there as much as you can and tell him( which I know you will anyway) how much you love him and just comfort him. I wish I could say or do more for you. Keep posting on here because we all understand the pain brought on by watching our loved one suffer.
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It is indescribable having to watch the one you love die.
My husband died in may last year and we cared for him at home for 10 days. He was 61.
Treasure the time you have with him and just be together.
Take care of yourself too xx
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It’s a heart wrenching experience. You feel powerless to stop it happening, helpless that you can’t do anything and numb because you can’t process it but as hard as it is, you will find the strength within just to be there, nothing more, just be present in every moment, with nothing but your love. Love is all that is required at this point. The love between you will get both of you through what is to come next. There isn’t a more powerful emotion than love and it needs no words. Stay strong
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Call in a pastor.
And continuously pray over him as he sleeps, pray with him when he is awake, pray for him when you are not with him, pray for guidance for yourself.
God Bless you both with Mercy and Grace.
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There is no pain like that of watching someone you love slowly deteriorate and die. I lost my partner 4 weeks ago in similar circumstances so I completely understand your pain. Just take it hour by hour, they know you’re there and you love them, incredibly hard
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I have no pets or children at home and the hospital staff found me a camp bed so I could stay with my wife for the last 7 days and it’s the hardest thing I have ever done just watching her waste away slowly unable to communicate but she knew I was with her and I can only hope that it was some comfort to her as she was the most precious thing in my life at 56 it’s far too young I would of traded places for her in an instant but as mortals it’s not possible, stay strong it’s a parting gift from you to the one you love if they know your there for them my thoughts are with you at this difficult time
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