I lost my dad almost 4 weeks ago, and as the weeks go on, I don’t find myself getting much better. I’ve had the odd day where I’ve not shed any tears and even laughed at happy memories of him, but I have mostly had bad days. I’m staying in bed, showering once or twice a week and my stomach has been bad, causing me to be sick after meals.
My partner will return to work on Monday as my dad’s funeral was Thursday (2 days ago). I know this weekend she wanted to do something with me as we have mostly been at home (me in bed, her downstairs) since my dad passed. I can’t do housework, cook for myself, wash myself, or even go out for a walk. I’m feeling guilty that she is “trapped” in the house, although she could go out if she wanted to, but is probably scared to in case I need her while she is out.
I don’t know how to alleviate this stress for my partner. I do not know when I will return to work myself. I pray a day comes soon where I will be able to get up and wash and dress and feed myself, where I will not be sick immediately after eating. I do not want to be this pathetic partner that I feel I am, but I cannot move forward just yet.
I do not know if I want advice, but just hearing others have been through similar experiences may help.
Thank you all in advance x
Hello @Emma139,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad and the situation you find yourself in with your partner. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their experiences and support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
To add on to this, or I will have to create a new thread;
At my sister’s birthday meal tonight, my sister and brother mentioned emptying my dad’s flat. This has to be done in the next week or so and I am dreading it. My anxiety kicked in, while we were out for food, so I went to the toilet for a private cry before coming back to the table to grab my cigarettes. I grabbed them and apologised and quietly took myself outside.
While outside, I vomited (as I mentioned in my main post, I have been throwing almost every single meal up). I was really upset and my brother apologised for bringing up emptying the flat, but I was teetering on the edge of tears all night anyway.
On the way home, I drove and played some music I like to sing to. My partner stayed silent. Singing is one of my passions and always helps me to self-regulate my emotions. Once we got home, and I’d had a good sing, I asked my partner if she was ok and she said yes.
We got in the house and she seemed really off with me, so I asked again, if she was ok. She said she was fine, but she just can’t understand why I get so stressed over such things. To me, the emptying of my dad’s flat indicates that it’s over and he’s gone. I can’t face it. She said that she feels she is walking on eggshells with me, and that I won’t speak to her. I feel like the reason I removed myself from the table was due to the fact I don’t want to discuss such matters, surely this is obvious? I don’t know.
I’m just not feeling very supported right now. I love her and may be overreacting to this, but my heart is breaking that my dad is no longer here.
Hey @Emma139
I lost my Mum on New Year’s Day this year and I can’t begin to imagine how it must have felt hearing your brother talk about clearing your dad’s things out. It’s so new for us and I’m like you, I can’t bear even the thought.
I understand your issue with your partner, mine has said similar things and I think I reacted as what could only be described as a cornered lion - my grief feels so primal and my emotions so agonising and raw. It takes you to a place mentally you never knew existed. It’s exhausting.
It is too much to expect anything from you right now 
x
Hi @stardust2023
Thank you for replying. I don’t even know what to say to my partner. She has asked why I’m not speaking to her. I’m not not speaking to her, I’m not speaking to anyone really. If someone speaks to me I won’t be rude, but I haven’t got much to say. I’m just trying to process all these emotions.
I’m scared in case I respond in that same way too. My partner and I have not been great since all of this. I got really drunk after my dad’s wake and said some unkind things after I took something she was saying to me the wrong way. She says she is scared in case I speak to her like that again. I don’t think I will as it has added to my grief and distress. I have apologised profusely and didn’t mean any of it now I know there was a total misunderstanding and that I took her the wrong way. I feel a bit like a black sheep. I feel really lonely and I want my partner to reassure me. She requires some reassurance as well at times which I am trying to do. She has taken herself downstairs to sleep tonight. We haven’t argued so I don’t know why. I have asked her to join me but she’s still there. I just feel so alone and helpless. I’ve written all of how I feel in a letter to my dad, and I’ve read a bit of a book that has helped, but I need her reassurance and I just feel like she’s mad at me.
I’m sorry for the long reply. Thanks again for writing. I hope you also heal somewhat from your loss soon. Its really not easy. I’m glad we all have this platform xxxx