My partner of 5 yrs had been gone 6 mths

Just as we were making more plans as his work was taking him further away and taking more of his time.
As we werent married people havent treated it in the same way. Most of our friends ceased contact. Covid had left me bottling things up as I don’t cry as people cant hug or see you and if you get tearful they say I cant hug you and I feel I’m distressing them. He is my soulmate my once in a lifetime. Others tell me I’m lucky he didnt just die suddenly like others who have heart attacks and at least I got to be with him when it happened. So it make me feel guilty when I’m acutely aware of this already

@Ajk That piece of paper (a marriage certificate) which actually makes little difference to your life together takes on a much bigger significance during a time when you have to deal with all the bureaucracy.
Covid has had a massive impact on many of us, just when you need your family and friends around you, you find yourself isolated and on your own.
The only people who truly grasp what we are going through are people who have already lived through these times.

Yes your right I have had many people imply that as he suddenly became unwell after going in with swelling on the brain that could be treated with steroids. And as he lived 1 1/2 away the middle of the night he unexpectedly become very unwell after a phone call they allowed me to go although they werent expecting him to pass a few hours after I got there. The fact I had to sit in a room on my own for 2 1/2 have not been able to hug my nearest and dearest but as I was able to have a funeral I’m lucky.
These are not people who have lost partners and have left me feeling I have no right to feel as I do when others have had it so much harder

Thank you for your kind words it nice to know that I am justified in how I feel, when some close to me and work have made me feel far from it. i know that many dont know what to say so they say nothing which makes it even more isolating
Love is love and your soul mate is just that for always . I am an over thinker and tend to bottle everything up trying so hard not to

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I feel for you as I know how hard this is. I lost my partner on 12th December. He died suddenly and unexpectantly and I am just so lost. He didn’t prepare so didn’t leave a will or make arrangements with his pension. We had been together 8 years, living together for 7 years. I am not entitled to anything from his estate, it all goes to his son who he had a fractious relationship with. So I’m not only dealing with the traumatic circumstances of his death I’m also trying to wade through the beauracracy of red tape to be acknowledged as a significant part of his life. I don’t want to face the world without my best friend and soul mate by my side, but it’s so much harder when my existence means nothing in the eyes of the law.

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@Sarahlou I’m really sorry you are in this horrible position. A piece of paper that makes no difference to your day to day life together, suddenly becomes much more important when a partner dies.

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I know, it didn’t mean I loved him any less.

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Im so sorry although my partner and i didn’t live together i can sympathise in as much as my partner was estranged from his daughter he hadnt seen her since she was 3 due to her mum although they had been in contact the last 4 years intermittently. when she turned 16 her mum became involved in filtering info , He made a will which left her the house. The rest of his will has been set out but she had needed money for brand new cars holidays prior to his death and which he had taken unsecured loans for. As she has just turned 20. all his pension etc has gone to her and once everything else has been made the rest of us end up with very little and her Mum is still not happy,
Its so heartbreaking the effect finances have on those left behind, Especially at a time when money itself means nothing compared to what we wouldn’t give to have our soul mate with us.
I am so sorry that this is happening to you as a piece of paper doesn’t quantify your love, Big hugs

I’m sorry for your situation too. Like you say, nothing can compensate for losing our soul mates but we have our memories that no-one can take from us and they are the most precious gifts of all.

Exactly and I take these memories moments and feelings over any amount of money. These are the things that help us drag ourselves through each day !!

It absolutely sucks the way some people treat a bereaved unmarried partner. We have no rights and our opinions in everything count for nothing. Having to change our living arrangements at a time when we are in the middle of heartrending grief so that a house can be sold by the next of kin is a killer! Seeing someone else deciding what happens with every detail of your partner’s previous life and home really hurts. Some people do not realise that just because a couple aren’t married their relationship is no less important or special than a married couple. It also does not matter how long the relationship has lasted for. I have known couples that have been together for many years that cannot bear each other, some couples have had fewer years but adored each other, and found the Ying to their Yang. Judgemental people make this whole process of mourning so difficult. I was not married to my partner. If I had known then what I know now I would have been, or we would have put some detailed processes in place in case one of us died. We always feel that we are invincible and it won’t happen to us, then it does, and life as it was abruptly ends. I feel I have been put through hell by a member of my partner’s family. As well as the loss of the love of my life, and as everyone else says the loss of our future plans and dreams, I have been made to feel that I don’t count, and been made very miserable. I would have been miserable anyway, but the treatment I have received, even though I have tried to help with things, has really been hurtful. I would hate for anyone to be made to feel like I do at this present time. Sorry for the rant.

I feel your pain, it isn’t a fair system. You feel undervalued and ignored at every turn at a time when your grief is still so, so raw. And people see your relationship as different to that of a married couple, especially their family. My partner and I were totally devoted to each other, I met him after coming out of an extremely unhappy and emotionally abusive marriage of 21 years and my partner gave me the best 8 years of my life. Remember that no matter what the family do to you, you have memories and shared experiences that nobody can take from you. Big hugs.

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I think you need to rant, I know I have been made to feel so out of, place with by “Friends” who have said at least this or that didn’t happen and I was lucky I got to be with him.This has meant I have buried so much which i know is so unhealthy. The pain is magnified with Covid as we can not escape where we are or see those e are close to, just to be able to hug another person whilst we go through this horrific of times is so incredibly painful.
Just remember you are not aloneX

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I know it has been a while, but thank you Sarahlou and Ajk your responses meant a lot, and helped me.

Anytime x I think at least we can find some comfort in being able to communicate with others who can fully empathise with how we feel with out any judgement. I know Once I finally found a small amount of courage to write here it has helped. Especially at a time due to Covid where we are even more isolated cant see any close friends or just get a change of scenery. Take care

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