My person, My Grandad

My grandad passed away suddenly in April this year and I was the one who found him. I feel so guilty because, I knew as soon as I saw him he was gone. I called the ambulance but whilst waiting I couldn’t stay in the room and I feel awful that I didn’t stay with him. I just keep thinking he is upset with me because I didn’t stay with him. I saw him almost everyday and we were pretty much inseparable. Now he’s gone and I don’t know how to cope without him. He was the person I went to for everything and he always knew what to say and do. Now I keep having flashback of the day I found him and sad dreams. Any Advice would be appreciated.

I’m so sorry to hear that your grandad passed away. It sounds as though you were really close, and being the one to find him must have been quite a traumatic experience.

I hope that it helps a little to be able to get some of it off your chest by writing it down here. You are among people who understand on this site. While you wait for more replies to your post, you might also find it helpful to read and reply to posts by others with similar experiences. For example, Danielle33 has posted about losing her nan in this conversation: Struggling with loss.

Franarian lost their grandad and posted this conversation: How to cope

I’m sorry to hear that you are having flashbacks, that sounds really difficult to deal with. The Loss Foundation has an information page about flashbacks and how to manage them, which you might find useful: https://www.thelossfoundation.org/nightmares-and-flashbacks/

If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about this Online Community, you can contact me on online.community@sueryder.org.

Priscilla
Community Manager

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I am so sorry you feel like this its really hard not knowing what they think of you because you can no longer ask them, especially when thier love and aporoval was on tap. My Grandad died nearly 13 years ago now, I didn’t find him and it wasn’t sudden so I cannot imagine how that feels. When my Grandad was ill for a about a year I made a point of going up to see him regularly to help my Grandma out. On his last evening with us I called him in the afternoon like normal and said I would be up after work. As soon as I opened the front door my Grandma rushed through to say he was waiting for me and had been all day. I went upstairs and chatted to him like normal and there were moments of confusion but on the whole he was lucid, our last conversation was about my Grandma and he said “I know you will look after her” then he asked me to go as he was tired. My Grandad that evening after I left became very confused and died the next morning. I know now that my Grandad was ready to go but knew I wouldn’t be able to cope seeing him in his worst state so he held it together just long enough so I could cope. What I am trying to say is your Grandad is most likely worried more about leaving you feeling alone than you leaving him alone and the only anger he would have felt is not being able to stay with you till you were ready. An old friend of my Grandad came up to me at his funeral and said “here she goes the Angel” I had no idea my Grandad felt that way but he did and so did yours you will get small signs of this throughout your life to come. Just remember you were there as a constant till the end and your Grandad knows that.
I myself have only just started dealing with my Grandma’s passing which was nearly two years ago and writing this has reminded me that towards the end my Grandma acted in much the same manner as my Grandad but this time I knew how she felt about me and didn’t need a reminder from a friend after (although I got one). She was a little more straight with me though and the day before she died she asked me to leave because she didnt want me seeing her like she was. So remember even till the very end your Grandad was thinking about you and nothing you did after he had gone was wrong because everything you did when he lived was right. xx

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