For me, the end of 2022 was not the end of the old year. My personal New Year’s Eve will be the day after the first anniversary of my husband’s death, later this month. That for me will be when the old year goes out, a year when he suffered so much and died, and one where I mourned, wept, stared into the darkness, struggled, fought, grieved, battled, lost. That day will be the one where I start to think about the future, of a life beyond, of deciding who I am going to be now and how and where I am going to live.
I know that so many of us are struggling and finding each second of each minute a nightmare, so this post comes with love to you, if that is you. I was tortured in those long, long seconds, too. What I can offer you is this - those seconds no longer have me in their grip. The minutes and the hours tick by and my love for Tom is not diminished, is not lost. Hold tight, everyone, let’s get through this Bank Holiday and then Christmas will be done and we can inch forward again.
I know how you feel. Got through Christmas for my children and grandchildren but didnt want to see the new year in, for me my new year will be after 2nd Feb which is the anniversary of my husbands funeral. The past 12 months has been one long struggle putting on a brave face for the family but once alone letting the tears flow. He hadnt been ill so we were all in shock when he suddenly passed away just before Christmas last year. He was 73, i thought he had years left but this was not to be. Only then will i start to put in place plans for the future . I know that whatever i do and wherever i choose to live he will always be with me
Take care xxxx
@Beachgirl - you and I went through it all roughly at the same time. We are stronger than we think and the way ahead awaits. And yes, the men we love, and I use the present tense intentionally, will always be with us and will be cheering us on as we walk on. Take care x
Christmas wore the “happy” Mamma hat for the “kids” & grandkids, New Year did the same, now exhausted & need sleep which doesn’t come or stay easily, Didnt realise the 2nd year would be worse, my lounge is covered in boxes waiting for me to get the motivation to pack away christmas decorations, seeing the boxes with Keiths handwriting on broke me as didnt decorate 1st Christmas, I have a great family really good friends but Im so, so lonley, tried clubs etc but cant cope with strangers, Ive put on over 2 stone since my husband died feel awful, gross & very unhappy, need to get a grip
@Renaultone - firstly, you made it through Christmas and New Year - this is a big achievement so take a moment to say “well done, me”. I know how it feels to see handwriting on boxes - you are braver than me as my attempt at decorating was minimalist in the extreme - I am talking 2 baubles and the fairy perched on top of the TV. So you did well, to get them all out and up over the house. It is great that you have good family and friends around you - though I know what lonely feels like, and it is pretty rubbish, isn’t it? What helped me was to push myself to do things - walks with friends, time out skiing with others even when my skiing is pretty bad. I bet your friends love your company and would be up for walks, trips into town, etc. It can feel like just filling time, but it isn’t - it is self-care and you deserve love, respect and kindness right now. If you are unhappy about your weight, maybe see if there is a weight-watchers nearby. Everyone I know who has done this has found it really helpful and have made new friends that way - because everyone going is there for the same reason and everyone there wants to make a change. So take heart, my friend, and know that you are doing really well. Bereavement is not for the faint-hearted - it is hard and tough and none of us chose it. But reading your post I see a survivor who is making the best of bad hand of cards and doing it really well. So, from one widow to another, I salute you! Hold tight, have a coffee, and let’s go again today. Loads of love x
I still don’t understand this forum as I have only seen this post today.
So sorry for the delayed response @Vancouver
As always, your post contained such wisdom and hope. You are facing up to your new life and whatever it may bring, which as we all know is so difficult to do.
Thank you for sharing your insight into life a year on. It is now nine months for me and I too feel the burden of grief is a little lighter. I still cry frequently but it is less frequently than it was and is usually less overwhelming. I have moved on in some ways with activities I did on my own. Still struggling with those we did together or the idea of those even.
There is a life after this dreadful loss, even if it is not the one we want.
Thank you for showing us that from your perspective too.
I’m sure your words will bring comfort to others.