Im so upset at how my sister died ALONE because my brother in law would not allow us to visit. Im a nurse, i would have done anything to be there with her taking care of her. She was sick for only 6 weeks before passing and almost every day of her illness was spent in the hospital. Her husband rarely visited her at the hospital during those 6 weeks. I just cant seem to get over the ending of her life where she was alone and i wasnt allowed to be there. Why would ANYONE do such a thing to their wife? Im just dying here emotionally. I need to talk to someone.
Dearest Missmysister, I am so very, very, sorry that your sister died and that your brother-in-law is a cruel bastard. I can not imagine how painful this must have been and must be now.
Of course you are dying emotionally. Scream into your pillow, cry yours eyes out, get that anger out by punching a sofa cushion, talk to your sister and pray.
Never speak to this man again. Unless, of course it is to give him a piece of your mind, then never speak to him again.
I would have gotten arrested going into the hospital, screaming to see my sister I would have been beside myself. Truly, truly sorry.
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Thank you so much for your reply! I was really needing someone to care tonight!
Luckily he lives 6 hours away and i never plan to see him or speak to him again. He even told the chaplain at her funeral, “Dont be too long, the(college basketball) game starts at noon”. I am just blown away. I cant even…
My sister really loved this guy and im blown away by that, too. Her life must have been a living hell. Just to think of all her life blood and effort was spent with this man. No one in my family thought it was possible for him to be this horrible.
I got to see her (along with my other sister) when she got sick in December and we have a picture of the three of us on her little couch. Im SO grateful i have that picture! The weather (ice and snow) had been terrible in January and we couldnt get there again until the end of january. I was planning to stay and care for her in her home and everyone in the family told me, no, dont do it. The last night we were there, her husband got drunk as usual and said stupid things to me and i told him we needed to discuss a few things tomorrow. He told me to go home (sparing you all the details, choice words and vulgar words). I was calm but i feel guilty that i should not have replied to his stupid things while he was drunk. I know how he is, i just couldnt keep from at least saying that. I blame myself which i know is stupid. My heart is crushed that she died with no one holding her hand, no one there. I called hospice but the nurse couldnt tell me anything because of her husband. So i just said to please hold her hand.
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Hi, I am sorry to read this. Sometimes people can do the most hurtful things but i believe in karma. It’s awful that you were not aloud to visit your sister, I know my self from the pit of your stomach the anger rages and then it turns to guilt. Then sorrow. Thinking of the events leading up to the death. Its so easy for people to say “well at least they new they were loved” and tbh they probably did but makes no difference to the way we feel when we lose a sibling. I lost my brother 6 months ago. And only now day by day is getting a little easier. You have a long road to go but in time these emotions will start to fade then you will just feel sad without the anger and and guilt. Hope this is a little comforting for you. X
Suzanne, thank you for the reply. Of course your caring and your words being comfort. You are exactly right that the different feelings change day to day, sometimes minute by minute. Guilt, rage, sadness, denial that shes no longer here, why didnt God tell me just ONE day is all you have to tolerate him, ONE DAY! He’s so crass and vulgar and devoid of love and WHY in the world did my sister love him? They are two addicts together, i know, but that doesnt really help me emotionally…just logically. I need a place to put words to let them out. My other sister and i are just talking and talking and talking. Im not sure why my sister became an alcoholic but there must have been trauma or pain buried and no functional partner or emotional health (my sister was so good at denial) to get her through to the other side of her alcoholic addiction. Its true that you cant help someone who doesnt want the help. My brain isnt working very well sometimes and i want to blame it all on him or me or my parents or something or someone other than my sister. We could never spend any time together without her drinking. At least she wasnt a mean drunk but it was sad when she was alive slowly killing herself and sad now when shes no longer here.
Thank you again, Suzanne. I truly appreciate your kindness.
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Im sorry about your brother, too!