My sister, my friend

2007 my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. 2012 secondary bone cancer. 2017 secondary brain cancer and the liver … so many years with uncertainty. My sister Jane never complained and always remained positive, she was a true inspiration. When cancer got to her brain she had brain surgery which left her with facial palsy and severe double vision. My sister was never able to drive again so took away some of her independence.
My sister was my best friend and we were confidants … we were always together but more so after her brain surgery when my life was her life, we shared so much together from being tiny together, she always looked after me … every appointment I was with her, she trusted me and got strength from me and I did her. I could say so much about my beautiful sister as we all could of the loved ones we have lost.
My sister died in august and I feel so numb and so scared and my anxiety is scaring me too. I feel like i might have a breakdown. My mam is 80 and has lost her daughter, she talks and I listen but I want to tell her to shut up … I just feel so lost, scared and anxious … I just keep thinking where has she gone and I’m not coping very well.

Julia, am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. I am fairly new to this site as my beloved sister died from cancer at the end of July and, like you, I am struggling to deal with it. There is another post on here from Sister2 who I have been talking to who also understands exactly what it is like to lose such a special person in their lives. Katie was also my confidente, my best friend, my port in a storm, my companion, my soul sister. I was with her through 14 months of treatment for cancer, at her side for every appointment, every treatment, so much hope, so much despair and like your Jane she bore it so well. Sister2 and I both know that the one person we need to help us through the loss of these special people in our lives is the ones that have left us, such irony. I talk to Katie, I still can’t believe she is not here, I ask her where she is and keep hoping I will wake up and find it’s all been a terrible dream. XX

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Oh Julia. I am so sorry. I am the Sister2 Agmo speaks of. She and I (and many others) have been on this site because we are suffering the loss of a beloved sibling. Everything you (and Agmo) say resonates with me. My younger Sister also died of cancer, She did amazingly well for a year after the diagnosis, and we had so much hope. She was an inspiration to everyone around her, and she never allowed us to treat her like a “patient.” we continued to enjoy our days together and savor our special relationship. She even made it an adventure going to her treatments. Then one night she took a sudden turn, and died within hours of getting to the hospital (right in front of me, as I held her hand and begged her not to go); It was 2 days before her birthday and we had plans to celebrate her “survival.” It has been a bit over a year, and I am left a broken shell of who I used to be…
When our Mother died in 2012, my sweet Sister & I held each other up. We both said we never would have gotten through it without each other to lean on. Now I need my Sister to get me through this. You still have your Mam, and she is a grieving mother, not to be taken lightly. In time you may be able to support each other. Right now, your wound is fresh and you will experience so many different and often overwhelming emotions. You may not have the strength to be there for any one else right now. You are probably still in shock and disbelief and must be gentle with yourself. Our siblings were our history. We’ve been robbed of a future with them. Only those of us going through this can understand the depth of this loss, and the far ranging impact it will have on us. I suggested a “Sibling Loss” category for the SR Site, because this is a unique type of loss and is often minimised . Please keep posting. We are here to listen. Take care and know you are not alone. Xxxx, Sister2

Your post breaks my heart. My brother lost his fight against brain cancer a few months ago. Everything you say hits home with me. My beloved brother was diagnosed in 2017 and two weeks later we found out he was going to be a daddy. I grieve and struggle with his loss with I feel every day. His darling daughter is one and a half now and breaks me that she will miss out on his presence in her life. He was our everything! I completely understand when you speak of breaking down. I feel it too. I keep finding myself grieving for the future we will miss out on. He was only 29 when he passed. He had everything ahead of him and deserved the world. The smile I paint on my face gets harder to reapply every morning. Deep inside I know it’s only a matter of time before I break. I’m sure you’re experiencing a similar pain. We all are. I hope that you find the strength to take one day at a time and live your life for the both of you. Sending you all the love. Clare x

Clare, Julia, Sister2 your stories are all so painful and heartbreaking but I thank you for sharing them. I know it doesn’t ease the grief but it helps a little to know that you are not alone, that others feel the same desolation at the loss of a beloved sibling. Katie is on my mind every day, I cry every day, I miss her every day and I don’t know when or if that will ever get easier. Her only child, a daughter, died young and when Katie knew she was dying she said there was no fear, she would be going to where ever it was that her child had gone. I hope with everything in me that that is the case. Clare, the love you have for your brother and the love he had for you will continue through his little one. You have so many special memories to share with her. XXX

Agmo, clare and sister 2
Thank you all so much for replying to my post. My heart goes out to each one of you for the lose and grief you are going through
I could write so so much about my sister and what she meant to me and I to her. Her husband died due to melanoma in Nov 2006 and she was diagnosed in May 2007, their children were only 15 and almost 17 then. Our Jane was almost 5 years clear of breast cancer when it was found in her bones, she went on to do well until it was found in her brain in 2017 and then in her liver … she was my life and she had so much faith in me, she knew I would always look after her and I did as she did me in so many ways. My sister was my strength from since I can remember, she kept me right when i struggled with life, she was the only one that I could share my every thought with.
I’m not coping well at all, I thought I was doing ok but this is getting harder and I’m finding it hard to keep myself together … then I feel angry at myself for feeling so weak when my sister was so so strong and she would be so upset that I’m upset … x

Julia, am so sad for you but would love to hear more about your sister. To know that you and the others on here have had that remarkable bond and shared every aspect of your lives with a sibling is so good to hear. The harrowing grief we all feel now, the kaleidoscope of emotions, is a testament to how very much we loved and were loved. It is 3 months since Katie died and, like you, I am finding it harder every day, the longing to see her and be with her is so intense I feel physical pain. There is no way of knowing when, or if, our pain will ease, but we are not alone. XX

Hello Everyone, I relate to all of your words. My sister was my closest and most trusted friend. She was my human diary. There is no one else I can share my days ups and downs with,. I still go to text her from work , and call her on my lunch break. So much has happened since she died, but I keep it in, because only she would understand. How cruel that positive events, like Clare’s brother becoming a Dad, and my Sister and I looking forward to her birthday only two days after she died, would be marred by these horrific events. Julia your sister lost her husband and then fought her own disease for so long. And Agmo-your Katie lost a child, and then faced the dreaded cancer, why so much heartbreak? Why were our lovely, and kind sisters & brothers given so much to cope with? My Sister was also a pillar of strength during her illness. She taught me so much about courage and dignity in the face of adversity. The last card she gave me beautifully described our life long bond with each other, and I keep reading it over again through my tears, on my darkest days.
I am glad we can all post our feelings here, and support each other. This is the loneliest journey and one I do not want to walk. Life seems so meaningless now, although I put on my “outside face” I am screaming inside.
Thank you for listening. Here for all of you any time day or night (I rarely sleep any more). Xxxx Take care, Sister2

19 months ago I took leave of absence from work to be there for my sister, she was my every day, my priority as she needed me the most…I cannot Express how much i loved her and admired her…an inspiration she was and still is. My big sister who looked after me all my life, we shared so much and knew so much about each other … it breaks my heart that she has gone and Sometimes I just don’t understand … I keep wondering where she has gone…shes just gone.
Its five months now since she left this world … I didn’t want to get up and face the day since she went so I thought I should get back to work which I did a week ago… I didn’t think I’d feel so emotional … I feel really bad that I’m taking a step further away from her …I function but im not really here I just miss her so so much …

I relate so strongly to your words Julia. I returned to work too soon, and I struggled in the beginning, but later found it a temporary distraction. I also seem to be functioning, but it is robotic. I am triggered by the slightest thing, and must retreat somewhere to cry, and then pull myself together so no one at work notices. My sister was younger, and I always protected her. If only I could’ve protected her from the dreaded cancer. Her death was sudden, a year on from the diagnosis. After managing the disease, being so brave and positive, in only one night she was gone. She was cruelly ripped from my heart, and I feel the gaping wound every day. I still ask why? This will always be hard for us Julia, we lost a part of ourselves. The void will remain. I wish I had an answer, for you, for me, and for all of us. All I can say is you are not alone. Many here who lost a sibling can support you, because we understand the enormity of this loss. Take care, Xxxx Sister2

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