My sister had lung cancer for 8 years. She was also an alcoholic. Having this disease made it difficult (for me) to have a healthy relationship with her. We shared a birthday and were 3 years apart. She didn’t have kids. I live in California, and she had moved to Minnesota to be near the Mayo Clinic. We spoke almost daily on the phone. I had not seen her for 6-7 years and when she told me the cancer had spread to her brain and spinal cord, I decided to go and see her and say goodbye. I am so glad that I did. She was a different person when she drank, and I was a little afraid of her for many years.
About 20 years ago, her first husband died by suicide and it made my sisters drinking so much worse. She remarried but was never the same.
I am so sad that she is gone. She is the first thing I think about when I wake. My daughter said to me “mom, you guys weren’t that close, were you”? She was so kind when I went to see her. The cancer and alcohol had ravaged her body, and I felt so bad for her. She did not complain and was brave until the end. I feel that she is at peace now. I think part of my sadness is that I wanted to have a closer relationship
with her. I know we loved each other very much.
Hello @vknotary59,
Thank you for so bravely reaching out to the community. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. It sounds like you are feeling so heartbroken and conflicted, which is completely understandable.
You are not alone. We have many members who have experienced the loss of a sibling and will understand some of what you’re going through. You can read conversations our members have shared on our Losing a sibling category page.
You may also find it helpful to read our Losing a sibling page on our website. It talks you through some of what you might be feeling, and how to cope.
I hope you find the community to be a support to you.
Take good care 
Alex