My sister was murdered by her partner, in September 2022.
I was speaking to her 8 hours before she died. Her and her partner had got into an argument and she rang me upset, but it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary.
I woke up to a phone call from my dad the following morning, telling me my sister was dead.
I got back into bed and went back to sleep, not sure how long for. But I woke in a panic because I thought I had dreamt it.
So I got into my car and drove to her house. The police and ambulance were sitting outside.
Later that evening, we were told my sister was murdered by her partner.
My niece found her body. And in March 2023 my nieces father took his own life and then 4 days later the man that murdered my sister took his own life.
Since then, I have felt completely alone, confused and extremely angry. I have had a lot of emotional outbursts and acted in manner that I wouldn’t consider ‘normal’ for myself. But sister was more than just ‘my sister’ she is my best friend, and is like a mum to me, and it was the most unexpected loss for me. My partner also broke up with me a month ago, he said it was too much responsibility for him and the impact my sisters death has had on him was a lot for him to manage.
I just feel completely broken. I have lost two of the closest people to me in the space of 9 months.
And i can’t speak to my parents about it because I don’t want them to know how much I am hurting because I know my pain will never measure up to the pain they are feeling.
Basically I am not coping well at all, and I have two little girls I need to stay strong for, my daughter and now my niece lives with me. Any advice on how I get over so much loss in such a short amount of time.
I can’t imagine what it is like to lose a family member this way. My sister died but we had time to say good bye. You are I am sure completely adrift. Try not to compare your loss with your parents though. I don’t think that is helpful. My mother feels her loss is worse than mine but I think it is just different. My sister and I were very close and I feel a huge void and I don’t believe it to be less or more than my parents. It is just mine and theirs is theirs. It is hard when you have to get on with life, supporting others too. It is important to make time for your own feelings too. Sending loads of love and hugs. x x
You are also doing everything without your partner too. Some people find dealing with a grieving partner too much and your circumstances were so sudden and not your fault in any way. Sadly some things do put a strain on relationships. Lashing out and anger are part of grief and I think I would be very angry too, in your shoes. I have no idea how you come to terms with it, if at all, and I hope you find a way to get some joy back. I don’t think one is ever required to stop feeling angry. Have you thought about seeking a bit of counselling? Sometimes it can help just to know what to do with the anger and helplessness. Sending loads of love x x
I’m so sorry for the losses you have endured. I’m glad you have reached out here for support - as @Viv5 says, if you haven’t had counselling, it may be something to explore. We offer free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat. Your GP can also help you access counselling.
You may already be in touch with them, but SAMM (Support after Murder and Manslaughter) offer support to those bereaved by murder or manslaughter. You can visit their website at http://www.samm.org.uk . They have a helpline on 0121 472 2912 or you text them on 07342 888570.
Many of our members who have lost someone to suicide have found these organisations helpful too:
Take good care - keep reaching out, you are not alone.
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister and the terrible circumstances. You have been through and going through a very traumatic time .it isn’t surprising that you have reacted like this i really hope you get some support and that getting things out in this group also helps x
Thank you so much for your reply. Really means a lot it is the first I have really opened up about it, definitely took a bit of weight of my shoulders x
And I’m very sorry to hear about your sister x
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m very sorry to hear about the passing of your sister, no greater heart ache. Hope you’re doing as well as you can be doing in your circumstances
I think I am for sure still in shock. And there has been a lot going on in the background with court cases, professionals involved with my niece, dealing with my sisters estate, the media etc. my mum lives on the other side of the world and my Dad is very traditional so all the responsibility has fallen onto my shoulders and is still on going so I haven’t even had a minute to start to process any of what has been happening. My partner choosing to walk away from me when I need him the most was just a breaking point for me. But I think counselling is definitely something I need to consider, I’m 25 and it is just a lot to be dealing with by myself.
Thank you again, sending my love and big hug x
It is such a lot for you to deal with i can’t even comprehend it. Glad that you have felt able to reach out on here tho it’s a massive step on something so personal but i think this site is very supportive and an outlet for feelings that you keep bottled up .
Please take care bug hugs xx