Letty68 i cant tell you time heals because it doesnt the pain is still so raw, the feeling of emptiness is hard to describe,the tears ive cried could fill an ocean. I miss my boy so very much 
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Mum89
My husband said to me yesterday that he wished we could forward time so that we were at the end of our lives just so we could be with our son again. We have 2 other children who would be devastated if we ended our lives now so we wonāt. But the pain in my heart is so intense I canāt say that Iām not tempted in my darkest hours.
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Letty68, i totally understand what you are saying, i wouldnāt take my own life but like you wish i could fast forward time to go when im supposed to so i can be with my boy once more.
Its 32 weeks today since i last spoke to my son and each day is a struggle. Xx
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Mum 89, I lost my lovely son 17 weeks ago. The last time I spoke to him was on Motherās day ( 30th March 2025 ) and his last words to me were " Love you mum ". He died in his sleep the next day .
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Letty68, its so heartbreaking reading words that come from other mothers, they are words im feeling but to see them written down makes it even harder. There are words i cant say and my counsellor and my doctor said its because if i say those words it makes it real and i dont want to accept it has happened.
The last words my son said to me on the phone was ālove you, byeā that was at 8.55am 32 weeks ago today it was at the end of a conversation we had. He had indigestion for few days previous, not painful he said just uncomfortable. He refused to go to doctors saying heād be ok the next day and he suffered a blood clot in his heart while he was asleep. Through a medium i see he said he regrets not listening to me. He took a huge part of me with him that day. My boy, my best friend, my rock, my everything 
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Mum89, totally heartbreaking. Such similarities in the way our boys were taken. Weāre still waiting the final results of our sonās post mortem. They believe it was an arrhythmia in his heart as the post mortem itself showed no abnormalities. But it doesnāt matter what the cause was, heās gone and nothing can bring him back. I wish I was as lucky as you to receive messages from him . Does that give you any comfort?
Letty68, yes it doesnt matter the cause our boys have been taken from us when we should have gone first.
Oh yes, ive seen same medium a few times he always comes through in fact i live for these meetings i feel close to him for a while, she is expensive but i dont care as long as i hear from my boy. Things he says she would not have a clue so couldnāt make it up. She said he is a very strong spirit. I just wish he wasnt a spirit and still be here with me xx
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Mum89, all we can hope for is that eventually we will be reunited with our sons and then we will be with them for eternity 
. Until then we will just wake up every morning, get up, go through the motions of every day life, then go to bed again. Weāll just have to do his until we join our lovely boys .
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Letty68 very true words earlier on today i had a massive meltdown
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Mum89, I think we will feel like this for the rest of our lives. Our bodies nurtured our children before they were born so itās not surprising that we feel that a large part of us died when we lost our boys. Somehow, we have to figure out a way of carrying on for the sake of our other children. I just donāt know how yet.
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Letty68 i have another son who lives an hour away and he has been very supportive, my daughter lives 5 mins away and is very cold, her attitude is get over it which really upsets me. My biggest support is my sons partner he left behind with little boy 4 and girl 6 she is amazing with me. I live alone and retired early from healthcare due to osteoarthritis and i spend a lot of time alone. My youngest was closest to me and am just totally heartbroken 
Mum89
I lost my daughter and best friend 26/11/24. I found her dead from a sudden and unexpected spontaneous intracranial haemorrhage. Lauren was 41. Her brother Calum who is 34, was always very loving and chatty with me and used to pop In frequently on his way home from work for a coffee and a chat. Not any more, our relationship has changed so much. His partner has explained that Calum finds it very difficult to come to my house because this is where he always saw his sister as we had Friday night takeaway for the son, daughter, grandchildren and in laws every week, and Iāve got pictures of Lauren all over the place, and Lauren used to be here 4 or 5 times a week for a brew and a chat. He is holding it together but doesnāt talk about Lauren. Whereas I talk about her all the time. Maybe your daughter is struggling like my son and doesnāt know how to deal with her grief. I have counselling, medication and my doctor has referred me for emdr as he believes I have ptsd. My son will not talk to the gp but has told his partner he would go for counselling but it would have to be private, then it would not be on his health record. I am considering paying for it for him but would have to find a way to approach the subject with him. We also now have my 18year old granddaughter, Laurenās eldest child, living with us. She is a typical teen who feels the world revolves around her. Whilst I donāt deny she is grieving, she believes her grief is worse than anyoneās and when my husband tried to explain that I was also very upset as I had lost a daughter, she accused my hubby of ācancellingā her grief. At the funeral she bought and wore a dress that was dramatic like something from the Adamās Family. I can not talk to her about my feelings because she has said I upset her.
I miss Lauren so very very much and I just want to be with her.
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Life has changed horribly for us all. Rupert is in my head all day long. Last thing at night and first thing in the morning. Nobody can ever begin to understand the pain and suffering. I feel mine is on another level as he chose to end his own life. Something I still canāt come to terms with. He suffered with depression and had been diagnosed with ADHD, autism and borderline personality disorder. The diagnosis came way too late at the age of thirty and that was it. Writing this has me in floods of tears as if heād got the help he needed sooner none of this would have happened. My heart is broken , shattered. On the 24th of August it will be a year since he died. It feels like yesterday and every day I wake up in the same nightmare. I feel for you and all of us , sending love x
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Ali76 and bam, your words reasonate my feelings. We are all going through this horrific nightmare and its so cruel. If there is a god why has he taken our babies.
I have pictures everywhere in my flat i can see my boy everywhere i look. A mothers grief is so different from siblings grief i understand. It hurts so much. We are all just plodding through our days now waiting to be with our children we have lost.
Sending heartfelt love to you all xx
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Thank you, I have pictures everywhere too x
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Hi, Iām dreading 19th of this month, itāll be 2years since I lost my precious boy.
Iāve been through a rough time with my daughter again. He was my rock. He would always see both sides,this time heād be fuming. My son in-law did a strangle the neck action behind my back, because I said clear up after using the kitchen. I know it sounds petty, after what Iāve been through but it just made me realise, how much I miss him. I went to bed and just cried. Iām so not weak but at times I just canāt be bothered to argue.
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Bless your heart, only those who are going through it can understand. We need our children here with us, we should go first. Im ready to go now, the pain is horrendous. My son always saw both sides but he would always defend me as i did and still do him.
Words cant express how much i miss my happy, helpful, loving boy.
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Itās awful. Even when I say something no one likes (truth), itās blamed on āoh itās because of Rhysā. No itās not itās me being me as Iāve always been, straight talking and honest. I think being patronised is worse than being pitied.Itās such a lonely place to be. Please donāt think about going before your time. Our boys wouldnāt want that. As hard as it is .
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Yes you are so right. I feel like slapping people when they try to patronise me, this pain we are suffering no one can imagine. My boy didnt suffer fools gladly and he came over bit harsh but he spoke the truth and i believe we should. If you dont like it dont listen! Sorry having a rant!
No i will wait for āmy timeā just cant hope wishing it would come soon to be with him 
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It was 33 weeks yesterday my boy fell asleep. Today i went to his house to help his partner sort the garden. Its not very big and he was so proud of it. We worked together and got it looking lovely. I had tears streaming most of the time but when i opened his shed it was likd day 1 again. All his tools, his bits he had for work, his hard hat hanging up there. I tried to be brave but broke down completely.
I cant imagine ever feeling ānormalā again. A huge part of me is missing. I so long to see him, hear him just know heās there. I have tears falling as i write this. I miss him so very much, i am struggling so much without him. His little 4 year old boy tells me his daddy is in the sky and i want to scream! My son, my whole world i would give my last breath to have him back
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