My wonderful son died at the end of November and we are in bits. He had been suffering from long covid for some months, or so we thought, but we now suspect it might have been heart problems all along. He had chest pain, a persistent cough, night sweats and extreme fatigue. We tried so hard to support him when he was unwell, inviting him to stay in our home, and trying to persuade him to go back to the doctors. It was very difficult to get an appointment and he kept saying the doctors couldn’t do anything anyway and that he would deal with the long covid on his own. In everything you read about long covid, you are given the impression that you have to be very stoical and sit it out and eventually it will pass. I feel I let him down as a mother because I should have insisted he go and see someone. I even offered to pay for him to go privately but he refused that, saying he was not that ill. I think when you are in your thirties, you feel invincible. You never for one moment think you are going to die. I keep wondering if I could have taken him to A and E and someone could have helped him there. I just feel that we didn’t really know who to go to for help and support. Now he is dead and I will feel guilty forever. How I wish I could turn the clock back. I am desperate to hold him in my arms again.
Hello @Whydidhedie,
I can see that you’re new to the community. I hope you find it to be a support to you, but I am so sorry for the devastating loss of your son that brings you here.
Sadly, you are not alone. Many of our members have experienced the loss of their child and will understand some of what you’re going through. I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, I wanted to share some sources of support that might help you right now.
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Child Bereavement UK support families with the loss of a child. They also support bereaved children. You can call their helpline on 0800 02 888 40.
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The Compassionate Friends support families who have lost a child of any age. They have a grief companion scheme where you can get 1-1 support from another bereaved parent. You can call them on 0345 123 2304.
Sue Ryder also has some resources which can help you cope with grief.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Seaneen
Yesterday I stayed up late because it was a month ago that my darling son unexpectedly passed away. My husband, daughter and myself were numb with shock for the first week. Since then we have had to struggle through Christmas and my 70th birthday on Boxing Day, both of which were totally meaningless, although we tried to make the best of them. We now have to wait until 10th January for the funeral. My mind has been going round and round in circles, trying to make sense of it all and getting nowhere of course. Soon I shall start worrying about the funeral and how we will cope. I am trying to put on a brave face, but the hollowness at the centre of my being is so overwhelming and I don’t feel I am supporting my husband and daughter sufficiently. I don’t know why this terrible thing has happened and I just desperately want my son back with an unbearable longing.
Im so sorry to hear about your son. How tragic. I work in healthcare, and i have to say that even if you had taken him to a and e they may not have found anything. If they just did routine bloods they wpuld not have shown a heart problem. And unfortunately sometimes when someone has a diagnosis such as long covid the drs will easily presume that was whatvwas causing his current symptoms. Please try to stop giving yourself such a hard time, how were you to know what was happening. Be kind to yourself
Thank you. Simon did have blood tests and xray in the summer, but nothing abnormal showed up. I just wish he could have had an ECG as that maybe would have revealed something wrong. I feel I will forever blame myself. He had so much to live for.
I feel heartfelt sorrow for you we aren’t supposed to lose our children. It’s a grief like no other as it’s in the wrong order. I lost my son in August aged 30 and I don’t think I’ll ever come to terms with it. The longing to see him never fades. I just can’t believe he’s not here anymore. I have felt like I’ve had to put a stiff upper lip on for people but as of yesterday I’ve decided I’ll not consider doing What’s best for everyone and do what feels right for me. In time things will get easier but my advice is cry if you need to cry and you’ll always have someone on here to talk to. The people here are so kind and understanding x
I am so so sorry for your loss. My dear son took his life eight months ago and the pain of losing child is in a league of its own. Get as much support as you can
Bless you
I am so sorry to hear of your loss and can completely understand the unbearable longing you describe. I have been crying a lot, mostly in private. My husband seems almost shocked and embarrassed that I am still crying (after one month!). And I don’t want to upset my daughter who is trying to be so brave. It is nice to be able to express my feelings here online.
Ruthjonas, I am so sad to hear about your tragedy. I felt at the beginning that I just wanted to be in my own grief bubble, but I think you are right and it is healthier to get out and talk to others.
My 40 yr old son died in November, totally unexpected, he’d had numerous trips to hospital since March 2022 when he had a fairly ‘normal’ bout of Covid. Nobody had given a definitive diagnosis, we’d heard long Covid, fibromyalgia, cyclic vomiting syndrome as possibilities. Approximately every 8 wks he’d start vomiting, kidneys wouldn’t work, stomach pains, sensitive skin, aching legs, racing heart.
He would end up in hospital on a drip, liquid morphine for pain, anti sickness tablets, vit b, sleeping tablets etc. He had numerous blood tests, ECG’s, a CT scan, endoscopy, chest x rays and kidney and liver tests.
No one ever suggested anything serious that could possibly lead to his death.
A post mortem has come back as death ‘unascertained’ , so we await further tests which can take up to 16 weeks for results.
I fear I will never have a reason.
It’s been 7 weeks now and it’s like we’ve wiped out his life. His house had to be emptied ( housing association ) and his funeral was on 2nd December. Just boxes of his possessions and memories are left.
My way of dealing with his funeral was knowing everything that would be said, apart from a poem his brother wrote, and by knowing all the music, I played it a lot the 2 days before. This helped me I think because I kind of de-sensitised myself.
On the day I was numb, I didn’t cry, but I also had my grandson, Ben’s son, next to me.
I dreaded the day happening but I’d planned what I thought he would want.
I am so sorry, I know words are meaningless and all we want is to turn the clock back.
Nothing can ever change what has happened to our children xx
Fiji, what a terrible time for you all. I am so so sorry to hear what happened. It seems incredible that in these days, with all the medical knowledge and technology available, it still isn’t possible to reach a conclusion as to what went wrong for Ben. I am afraid it may be the same with my Simon. Your idea of immersing yourself in what will happen at the funeral service is a good one. I am also doing the same thing. In fact I organised almost all of it and wrote my son’s obituary, something I never dreamed I’d do. Sorting out the photos for the slideshow and listening to the music, and crying bitter tears, was helpful, but I am still dreading the funeral next week. And as to the rest of our lives without Simon, I can’t even imagine how we will cope. Sending big hugs to you.
I took full control of Ben’s service, as a family we chose the music, I even re-wrote the celebrant’s words as it didn’t sound right. The obituary was hard, but I took my time and let my youngest son read it, he made some helpful suggestions. On the day he read it out and added his own bit too. I wanted everyone inside the crem before we arrived and everyone out before us so I could say my final goodbye in private. All I can say is do what you want. He’s your child.
I wish you well, it’s something as a parent you never ever expect.
Ruth my son took his life four months ago and the pain is unbearable x
What a terrible burden to bear. There are no words. I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so so sorry.
This is what I think they will tell me about Ben …
My husband is convinced that covid/long covid/ covid jabs are responsible for many of these young deaths, and that this will come out in the future when more research is done.
Maybe - could take a long time before scientists find out - and then will it even be admitted ?
Millions of us blindly got injected.
I miss him, I miss him, I miss him. I feel like I’m screaming inside all the time. My beautiful boy.
No one can hear our pain but we feel it all the time.
At least we can say it on here.