I lost my 35 year old Son just over a week ago, he did have health issues but his death was unexpected and there,s going to be a Post Mortem. I cannot put into words the grief and pain I am feeling, he was my only child and I lost my husband (his father) of 38 years just 6 months before, they were all that I had and they were my world and now I am completely alone and on my own. I,m finding it hard to get to sleep at night as all I see and think about is the image of my dear Son dead on the sofa when I got called to his home by friends, when I wake in the morning it is shear torture as for a brief moment I,ve forgotten he,s gone and then the realisation that he is no longer with me comes flooding back, in my dreams we,re still planning our first Xmas together in his new home, the first without his Dad (my husband) and looking forward to our time together, we were a very close happy little unit and this is now shattered. I,m completely overwhelmed with all the things I have to do, clear out his home, sort through his belongings etc etc. I dont know what to do about a funeral, I really dont know if I could organise or mentally cope with going through another funeral so soon after his Dad,s just 6 months ago (which even though heartbreaking was lovely), I,ve thght about direct cremation but then I feel so guilty that I wouldnāt be doing enough for him. I just dont seem to be able to think clearly or make any decisions but I know I have to and this is making me so anxious, I,m normally such a together proactive person. I have wonderful friends that I,ve been staying with but dreading going home and being on my own, friends have v kindly said they,d help me but my closest are all going on winter getaways in Dec/Jan and wonāt be here. My heart was broken after loosing my husband and now it has been completely shattered loosing my Son, I cannot envisage my life without them both. Will I ever stop crying and feeling such pain and so empty.
Mrs Bling, my heart goes out to you. I can feel the pain in your words that you post. The grief youāre feeling must be so dreadful, losing your lovely son so soon after your dear husband. Isnāt life just so cruel. I lost my son 17 years ago in a car accident, he was 19. 6 weeks ago my world shattered again when my rock, my anchor, my Ray passed away at 60. Iām just in so much shock as after my son died Ray was my life, the one who I turned to and would make everything ok again. Iām like you finding it very hard to keep going, sleep is terrible and Iām just dreading facing a lifetime without the ones I love most in the world beside me. You hsve friends here so keep posting. Remembering all our good times keep me going and I talk to Ray all the time, I find it helps me. Take good care of yourself
My heart goes out to you too, seems we,re v sadly finding ourselves in a similar situation, I definitely feel your pain. My Son was my rock (and I his) when I lost my husband just as your husband has been your rock when u lost your Son. Although completely devastating somehow having someone else there makes dealing with the pain and loss more bearable because you,re in it together and dont feel so alone. Like you say just being able to talk and share i,m sure will help, its easy to forget when you,re wrapped up in your own all consuming grief that there are so many other people also suffering and dealing with the loss of loved ones. Please feel free to msge me anytime if u need to chat, thank you for replying and my thghts are with you. X
Thank you so much x
Itās early days yet - sending hugs. Maybe your sons friends would help you to organise his funeral?
Although we have a supportive family and friends, our daughter died suddenly in April this year and we decided to have an āopen inviteā cremation where she lived. Her friends and colleagues wrote tributes and we had an amazing celebrant who pulled it all together and helped us all celebrate her too short life. Iām so glad we did this as we learned what she meant to many - so we didnāt feel quite so alone.
I canāt say it has got easier but Iāve got used to carrying the heavy weight - and still cry at random triggers .
I,m so sorry to hear that you lost your daughter, life can be so very cruel, it sounds like her funeral/celebration of life was lovely and a fitting tribute to her. My husband (my Son,s Father) also had an amazin cremation/celebration with just those most wonderful Celebrant, it was a wonderful day with his loved ones and friends but I,m just not sure if I have the mental/emotional strength to go through all of that again as my Husband,s was only v recent, just 6 months ago and my Son and I had each other for support. I,m still grieving/coming to terms with the loss of my husband and now the loss of my Son with no other family. I,m struggling to make a right decision, its all so overwhelming at the mo especially as the decision this time is mine alone to make. I,m hoping in the coming days the decisions will become clearerš. Thank you for talking to me, hvg people reach out is a massive comfort and help. Thghts are with you and your family.
There are so many folk here who will listen though I canāt imagine how difficult it is for you. Wishing you strengthā:people_hugging: - perhaps trying to imagine what your son might have wished for himself? Niamh is in my head and heart when making decisions and I try to feel her last hug - and sometimes her scolding me . 
I think my Son wld love a big party as he co-owned a sound system with his friends, that they would rent out or put on their own events with, music was his life, in fact it played a major part in all our lives, I think I may ask his friends if they could arrange that tho being so close to Xmas many venues will be already booked. What a lovely idea to imagine what your daughter would say to you, the weirdest thing tho I cant remember/hear the sound of my Son,s voiceš¢ thank you so much for replying and your words and thghts of encouragement, I,m literally just battling to get through each day at the mo.
We have much in common - our daughter also lived with health issues - possibly with more implications than we understood, and which probably masked what turned out to be the cause of death. So, as a sudden death, there had to be a post mortem. I will never forget that period in limbo.
I work at hearing her voice - we had some very recent voice messages on WhatsApp but I havenāt been able to bring myself to listen to them - maybe never will.
She loved colours, rainbows and daisies - all featured at her funeral - including simple flowers including sunflowers (for disability and sunshine) and daisies. Similar for an āāinterestingā set of music which all meant something to her.
My favourite assurance for doing it āour/her wayā was that āthe people that mind donāt matter, and the people that matter donāt mindā.
Iād like to think your sonās friends would be honoured to help to celebrate his life and remember him .
Oh lm so sorry to hear this sad news about your husband and son..l losses husband in October and lm in a terrible state so l just canāt imagine what you feel lm so glad you have good friends to help you
How sad we have much in common (as obv many others have). I was really not expecting a Post Mortem, I was told my Son,s health issues were not enough to explain his death which I find incredulous given his condition and the amount of times he was in and out of hospital and that certain meds/treatment were refused him due to health and safety issues but anyway only time will tell and whatever the outcome, it will not bring him back. Yes, you,re right though, the waiting is very hard but I suppose at least it gives me time to think and plan and liaise with his friends to give him the best send off/celebration of life we can. I,m so sorry for your loss, your daughters funeral sounds absolutely magical. I,m not surprised and completely understand why you havent been able to listen to your daughters voice yet. I have my Son,s phone and am sure his voice will be on there somewhere but cant bring myself to go through his videos/audios as although I cant seem to remember in my head how he sounded I think hearing his actual voice would break me, its just too soon. I hope you and yours eventually find peace and comfort and my thghts are with you.
I,m so sorry to hear about the recent loss of your husband, I hope you also have the love and support of family and good friends to help you through your grief and your loss. My thghts are with you.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I completely understand how you feel. I lost my son also November 14 of this year and it has been the most hardest difficult complicated thing I have ever dealt with the pain is unreal. I canāt stop crying. I canāt stop thinking about him. I miss every single thing about him. Iāll pray for you and your family.
So sorry for your loss and so young 
I am so sorry for ur loss, It so hard to lose close family, well I may not have lost a child, I have lost so many people in the last 6 yrs, my Sister who was in the same position, has ur son, she died 6 yrs ago in October 2019 and she was 33yrs old. I have lost my Nain in January 2021, I lost my Dad in September 2023 he was 59, 3 weeks before his 60th. We lost my uncle wife in April 2024, my Nan in December 2024. I have had to take my Dad role with looking after my mum, but unfortunately I can only do so much has Iāve a family of my own and my children are young 8 & 5 yrs old, Since my sister passed my mum went ill with her mental health, and she had a relapse when my dad left us. She now been diagnosed with bipolar. It very hard. So ur not alone here if u need a proper chat. Iāve feel Iāve not been able to grieve for my Dad has Iāve had to be the one holding every one together. Especially my mum. It hard and not easy, but u learn to deal with situations. I am still finding it hard, and this is my hard especially this time of yr, with Xmas coming, my Dad was the one that made our Christmasās special, and I been wanting to his way with my children, cos it was happy memories. But unfortunately my mother in law doesnāt like Xmas that she spoils it for me every yr, and is very selfish and doesnāt think about my feels during this time of yr. My Son & Daughter has know that Father Christmas isnāt real from the age of 2 yrs old. I know heās not real but itās really not the same Christmas, my Dad made it special, my Son & Daughterās Nain has destroyed it for us. Cos everything that Santa supposed to have brought them has been brought and had been named by there Nain. It was the same for me when I was a child but I wasnāt has young has my son and daughter knowing Santa not real. Christmas was spoilt for me from my Aunt. But I kept it quiet from my Sisters and brother, and kept up the tradition.
Oh luvly, I,m so sorry to hear you,ve also lost your Son and so v recently too, just a week b4 mine. Like u say it is just the worst pain, I too am crying constantly and he is in my thghts and heart every minute of every day, its all i can do at the moment to get myself out of bed, If it wasnāt for my dog (i have no other family) I dont think I would coz when I,m sleeping I,m not in this nightmare reality. I wish I had words of wisdom to help u navigate your way through this but like u I,m literally just getting through one day at a time. I am blessed to have amazing friends that are helping me tho they cannot fill the void of now not hvg a family. Do u have family and friends around you to help? I,m trying to set myself a goal of doing at least one proactive thing a day, however small, today I,ve been cleaning my barge (my home) as I must admit I hvnt had the energy or want to do anything these last few days, I suppose I,m hoping that doing normal stuff will help make life seem more normal again even though it will never again be normal in the same way, with no Son or husband. I wish I had the answers to help us both but in my heart and in my soul all I can hope for at the mo is that things will get easier. Loosing our Son,s so close to each other i,m guessing we,re at the same stage in our grieving process (tho obv its dif for everyone) but please if u every need to talk ( or private message), about abs anything know that I am here 4u as I do understand how u must be feeling at this mo. My thghts are with you
Big hugs around you. I lost my Dad and husband within a month of each other. Total shock with my husband!
I am doing grief share and councilling which gives me some relief as I talk, cry get my feelings out as I find bottling up I feel sick. Also I walk and swim, do brearhing excercise for the worry and anxiety. Sleeping I still wake up in the night but I pray then I dont even know it fall asleep. The days grief comes in waves some days real struggle. It has been only 4 months.
So sorry you have to go through this. I like the idea of his friends to help you organise the funeral. Would ease the stress of you.
Big hugs to u all who have lost a son or a daughter. Has Iāve said I not been in the same position and I have not lost my children. But my mother is in the same situation has we lost my sister 6 yrs ago. Thatstill hurts and I find it worse notwithin the season cos of Xmas has itās n the same, and especially with my Dad has he holded this family together when my sister passed away, and that heās gone I am the one who has to hold the family together.
Thank you - itās a tough journey weāre all on. I hope you can find a way to celebrate your sons life in a way that is meaningful to you all - we can all only do what we think is best at the time.
Hugs.
Omg, how harsh, you,ve had so many losses to cope and deal with as well as being a rock for and looking aftr your poor Mum and being a Mother to your own children, as well as all the complicated and not v nice extended family dynamics too, that is so so much for you eh. Xmas is an especially hard time for so many people. I was actually beginning to get excited (i,m just a big kid when it comes to xmas) and looking forward to and planning this Xmas with my Son, even tho it was the first without my Husband (his Dad), now i cant wait for it to be over as the thght of spending it alone without my loved ones is unbearable. I really hope you manage to have a wonderful time with your children even though there will be loved ones missing and navigate through the difficulties.