My son is gone what do I do with my love for him

I feel like I’m in a nightmare since I lost my only son 10 weeks ago he was 31. I’m a single parent who raised him & his younger sister, I was his best mate & he never really left home for long, maybe to travel. It was so sudden, he’d fallen in love with a girl from the UK for the first time, he was in the middle of completing visas to go to the UK to live with his new girl & he took something for back pain, she’d heard him get up, he came back to bed & didn’t wake up.
Our darling gone, his nana, my mum is destroyed, she took one look at him when he was born & that was it, the favourite.
His girlfriend is back in the UK & inconsolable he was her first boyfriend.
He said “ mum I found someone who doesn’t like cheese either “
I’ve been furious, in denial, in shock you name it & im terrified at the thought of never seeing him again, Im finding it impossible to accept he’s gone.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my adopted daughter 6 months ago when she was 32. I too was a single parent and brought up her and her brother. My daughter was my best friend too. It is very hard. I don’t think the pain goes away but you learn to deal with it. In your last sentence you are in fact describing the stages of grief They usually start with denial and anger. I recently found out about The Compassionate Friends. They support parents who have lost a child, including an adult child. Your situation is different from mine as your son died very suddenly and unexpectedly. Sadly my daughter was suffering from alcoholism and she declined over a number of months so her death was not unexpected. You may find counselling helpful. I keep in touch with my daughter’s partner and best friend so we can share our grief. I find it helpful to have a daily routine. I have 3 dogs to look after (I took in my daughter’s dogs) and they keep me busy. A daily walk is good for me. I have gradually taken up hobbies again - reading, playing the piano, gardening. I am making an effort to see friends. I miss my daughter terribly but I try to move on with my life. It is what she would have wanted. I concentrate on achieving small goals. Life is not fair. I am glad I had her for as long as I did. Thinking of you. xx

Hi lily thanks for the response I’m so very sorry about your girl.
I did go to a compassionate friends meeting after 3 weeks however it was too soon too raw too fresh in my own pain, to hear others pain.
I’m just so shocked still & because everything surrounding my boys leaving is in a fog it’s definitely difficult to make sense of.
I feel changed as a person, isolating, peeking out only if it’s my mum or Aunty. I can work from home which is one blessing xx

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Hello Its been just over a year since we lost my 14 year old Son suddenly. I am sorry we are all
going through the same thing. I also lost my Husband in 2012 x

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