my son was stabbed to death by a stranger 4 months ago I feel so alone . Bad thoughts consume my every waking hour . I thought it would get easier but it doesn’t . Friends tell me they understand but I don’t think they can , I don’t know anyone who’s been in my position . I wish it had been me not him, he was 37 years old and so healthy and well . Nothing can justify it to me . His murderer gave himself up and is in custody but because the murder happened abroad whilst my son was on his first ever holiday alone the British police and judicial system tell me nothing . I feel so lost
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I am so sorry for your loss, this cannot be easy for you.
Go online and look up groups that are there for parents of children that have been murdered. Hopefully they will be able to help. I really can’t imagine what you’re going through. Those groups would be able to understand. Also they might be able to put you in touch with someone who understands and can help, with someone who has been murderd abroad.
Don’t stop coming on here and talking about your feelings. We have all lost loved ones, so hopefully can help you as well with your grief.
Sending hugs 
The British consulate put me in touch with homicide support and they phone me every week , but nothing seems to take away the pain I feel inside , I thought it might get easier but it doesn’t seem to and if I find myself smiling at even the simplest things in life , a flower , a sunset or a child’s laughter I feel guilty that he can no longer see these things , he was a fine artist and musician and loved life , it all seems so unfair he had everything to live for . I guess maybe time is needed . Thank you for replying , last night felt a tough one and knowing people care helps
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Nothing will take the pain you’re feeling. Losing a child the way you lost a child is unfathomable.
When I lost my hubby in November 23 I honestly thought I would not get through it at all. He was my rock. My friend. My support. I have Epilepsy and Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. I had to learn how to look after myself.
I spoke to CRUSE bereavement and then I found this forum. It has helped me get through each day. I love him no less. I miss him no less, but I’m learning to live each day.
You say he was an artist and musician. Do you have his work that he did.
Can I ask did he have any children. Grief takes time. It’s different for us all. There is no wrong or right way to grieve someone. There is no timetable to how long the process takes. Just remember you’re not alone.
You have people on here. Take care.
I have all his paintings and will treasure them forever , he wasn’t married and had no children and that in itself makes me question what life is about , I guess at least children are not missing their dad but on the other hand I have no children to look at and see he was on this earth for a reason . I do have grandchildren from his siblings and they’re a great source of pride and give me a reason to get up each day . I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband death is awful no matter who we lose . Neil once told me he wouldn’t marry or have children as he didn’t want to hurt and if you don’t love you don’t hurt so I guess the depth of pain mirrors the love you hold . He struggled when I got cancer a few years ago , I suppose now at least he won’t have to worry about me . Life feels very cruel at the moment .
Sending you huge hugs x
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Are you in remission from your cancer. I know what it’s like to live with someone who has cancer. I can imagine how worried he must have been. That’s the terrible disease that took my hubby.
Having his pictures will be like having him there. I think the hardest thing for you, is, you have no answers as to why your son was taken. Has the person who did this heinous act, say why he did it.
Having it happen in another country, as well, just adds to everything.
Sending hugs and love 
to you.
All I can say is, keep coming on here. Keep writing your feelings. You have people on here to talk to.
I do believe if you scroll through the threads, there are other posts on here from people who has had a loved one murdered. Talk to them as well. They will understand how your feeling.
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