my son

my son jon took his life nearly 11 months ago on the 24th september 2019 he left 7 brothers behind i had eight son for 2 years i never spoke to my son due to his girl friend he had been with her 3 years she had 3 boys to previous partners my son had a heart of gold was caring kind and just such a nice person to be around she manipulated him kept him away from his family and in the end he took his qwn life he had been suffering with depression six months for he died she new but told no one not me his dad or brothers he hid it well he took an overdose of tablets and put a bullet in his own head the whole family is deverstated that he is gone i cant come to terms with my son leaving it is killing me slowly i dont want to be here but i have to i have my husband and my seven other sons but the pain i feel in side for losing him is unbearable i am so lost can you please advice me i started talking to my son again 6 weeks for he died i miss him terribly i just want to no does this pain inside go on for ever

Hello Jacky,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your son, It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here:

Another good place to get support is The Compassionate Friends - for families who have lost a child of any age. 0345 123 2304
There is also Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide - 0300 111 506.

Take care,
Online Community team

Hi jacky my heart goes out to you I know how you feel my son died March 2019 I am a mess inside and yes the pain is unbearable like you I keep going for my husband and other 2 kids another son and a daughter although my circumstances are different my son died when his flat caught fire I totally can relate what your going through and it bloody hurts like mad wish I could take away everyone’s pain on here including my own I have grandkids and they help to lift me a little sending hugs to you