My son

I only lost my beautiful son a week ago, I dont know how I will ever see light at the end of the tunnel, im struggling but I have another son, will it ever not feel so awful?

@rubytuesday911 I cannot imagine anything worse than loosing your child. It has only been a week it is still so early, your feelings of devastation are entirely appropriate. You are not alone on here, other members are going through exactly the same experience as you are and will understand your feelings.

Dear Ruby

I’m so sorry about your loss…such agony. What is your son’s name?

I lost my younger son Henry in October 2019, he was 30 years and 15 days old. I also have another son, George who is 18 months older than Henry.

Take each hour at a time is my advice. Don’t think about how you will survive this…it will just be. I cope by thinking it’s just today I’m not seeing Henry…I also meditate using an app called Headspace. I doubt your sleeping…but try and rest at least. I’ve found a way to manage and live with the pain. I don’t think it will go away…how can it…but I’m coping.

I remember not driving for at least a month- I couldn’t concentrate but over time that got better.

Do you have support? Friends or and family?

I’m sending you love and the biggest hug
Purple x

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Thank you for replying, his name was Scott and he was 25.
I raised my 2 boys on my own, there were my whole life.
I try and sleep as much as possible as its the only escape but I can hardly eat. Last night I just wanted to end things as the pain became too terrible.
I cant ever imagine smiling or laughing again, I dont how to pretend that I’m a normal person when I am screaming inside.
The funeral is on Friday, the thought of it is unbearable
RUBY X

I know how hard this is for you Ruby…it’s excruciating. How about your other son…is he there with you…? Friends or any family?

I know what you mean about stopping the pain - I felt like that too. Still do at times but I can’t bring the pain onto anyone else.

Please speak to someone if you feel like that Ruby…the Samaritans for example.

We cannot undo this awful loss, none of us can…we live with it. I never believed I could recover at all but the people on this site…who have lost a child- in some cases more than one child- have given me the strength and encouragement to keep going.

Let the tears come they do cleanse…it’s exhausting…I wish I could help you but I’m here if you post again.

Scott is such a lovely name. I have a nephew Scott. He’s an identical twin. His brother Oli took his own life 10 weeks after Henry died. My family has suffered a great deal these past 14 months losing Oli’s mother to Covid19 and recently we lost my uncle too. So many families are like mine…suffering multiple losses.

We support each other and we’re also here for anyone whose suffering so please keep in touch.

Scott will always be with you, safe in your heart.

Warmest wishes
Purple

I’m so sorry to hear everything you have been going through.
Yes I do have wonderful friends, my brother and my son Euan but I still feel completely alone.
His father has taken on a lot of the organising for the funeral and selling his house and I thank him for that but I cant bear that I will never see him again, see his car pull up outside or even send him a text message.
I just want to curl up in a ball
Thank you for taking the time to speak to me especially as you are going through so much yourself, I really appreciate it
RUBY X

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Im glad to hear you’re not alone. Just be kind to yourself Ruby…the shock is so great that it takes a long time to accept the truth let alone deal with it.

Yes I’ve been through a lot but so have so many others- like you and it’s so bloody unfair.

I actually looked for Henry…even though I knew he’d gone. I’d look out of the window hoping he’d come and tell me it was all a horrible mistake. Sometimes I think I must have had a breakdown. I miss my boy every single day but I’m thankful to have had him and I will always love him.

I’m thinking of you and your family. One day you will be able to put your grief down and feel lighter. Then you will carry it again but you’ll understand how to move with it.

Hugs and love
Purple

I’m so sorry for your pain in losing Henry. It somehow helps to know im not the only one experiencing it alhough I don’t want to wish this heartbreak on anyone.
I have so many wonderful memories and I hope one day to be able to think of them without the pain I feel now.
I’m not sure yet if I will survive this but thank you for reaching out to me, it helps x

I’m so so sorry to hear this, I lost my 18 year old daughter on the 23-Nov-2020 and feel your pain. I wish I could say some words to help but am heartbroken for you. Sending hugs x

Thats only a week before I lost Scott, how are you coping?
I’m really struggling and I’m trying to distract myself but today I stayed in bed and cancelled visitors.
Both so young with their whole lives ahead of them,
I would swap places with him in a second
Sending hugs back to you
Ruby x

Thank you Richard, it helps to know others out there understand.

I have had so many mixed emotions. I have been wondering what I should have done or could have done to prevent her passing. Currently I still think that I’m in denial and can’t accept it just yet.

I have distracted myself in the organising of her funeral, I have done everything with love and meaning as I would have if I had the chance to walk her down the aisle. This is my last gift to her. I try to stay strong but in turmoil inside. I often watch videos of her on our days out to keep her close. It is now 2 days until her funeral and I hope that I have done her proud. I just need to keep it together until then. It seems so wrong that our children should go before us, I feel cheated.

I also thought of joining her but I know deep down that she wouldnt want that.

I cherish I moments we had, I was privaleged to of been her dad for a wonderful 18 years.

Hugs
Paul.

Hi Paul,
I’ve done same, making sure everything is perfect, it gives us something to focus on.
Like you I’ve thought about joining him because the pain is unbearable but I have another son and I couldnt put him through that.
I dont think I’ve accepted it either, how can it be true, ive watched videos and looked at photos but now I’m finding that too painful and im trying to think about anything else just to get through the days.
Scotts funeral is on Friday and im not sure how i will get through it,
Im so sorry you will have to go through your daughters when as you say you should have walked her down the ailse, not this. Im so sorry Paul, please message anytime, you are not alone
Ruby

Thank you Ruby,
We see our daugthter tonight to give her gifts, It was so difficult but we managed to say the words we needed to say. I promised that I would carry her as it would be an honor. The funerals will be hard but I’m sure that they would be proud of the beautiful send off’s.

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Dear Paul,
I will be thinking of you tomorrow … stay strong x

Hi Ruby, im so sorry, if you are anything like me anyone saying them words gets me sobbing again, I lost my amazing son (23) on wednesday 15th he was my life i think being a single parent to start with gave us a very close bond. he has twin 9yr brothers im trying to be strong for but the ache is so strong to be with him, im wondering if after his celebration ( cant say the F word) if things will get any easier. im hoping the pain eases for all of us on in so we can rememer all the good times. stay strong x

Aww Ems its so unbearable, I know, so young with rgeir whole lives ahead of them that we were so looking forward to being a part of. I am still in shock but its only been 3 weeks, I still find myself not really believing it then the shock and wave of pain goes over me. I was a single parent too, he would see his dad often but its a special bond and we talked about everything. I have his brother whom I adore but yes its so painful, know you are not alone
Ruby xx

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My thoughts are with all of you and my heart is aching for all of you. :heart_eyes:

I am really impressed by your bravery at such a tragic time. :crying_cat_face:

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