My son Paul was diagnosed with type one diabetes at the age of 11.
From late teens he rebeled against his illness and spent a lot of time in hospital. To the stage that if he disappeared for a few days we knew he was probably in hospital.
One day in 2014 he went missing for a few days and we thought the usual but after the weekend on the Monday evening I got a call to say no one had seen him . I was at work at the time and was not far from his flat so went to check on him. The lights in his flat were on but I couldn’t get an answer and the door was locked. Something didn’t sit right so called his mum just to check he wasn’t there she said no and was on her way over. I phoned the police and they broke the door down.
We rushed in and found him dead on his bed diabetes had took my son at the young age of 24.
The thing is even thou it was8 years ago I still see it in my head as if it was yesterday and keep thinking if only I’d checked on him sooner. I’ve never had counciling as I thought I could cope but it’s now causing me problems in relationships. I feel I’ve let my son down and everyone will leave me so why bother .
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I would seek counseling. I think it will be help just to talk it out. it will never leave you but it might help ease your pain.
counseling always made me feel better afterwards. we blame ourselves for things we could not have known. there is some psychology to that—punishing ourselves.
I am reading “Letting Go” Dr. David Hawkins. It addresses all of our emotions.
Best to you. I would not think that your son would not want you to bang on yourself like that.
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