My sons

Losing a child
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I lost both my sons to muscular dystrophy,one ten years ago the other three years ago,also lost my mother to cancer in between.I thought i was getting better but all the xmas adverts have really brought me down,im dreading xmas as i will be on my own as i dont have many friends.Am struggling with my mental health and the crisis team are due tomorrow.I Feel very unwell in body and mind,am so tierd and cant face food how can i pull myself out of this?

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Hello @sally8,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your sons and your mother. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.

You might also want to look at The Compassionate Friends. They support families who have lost a child of any age. You can call them on 0345 123 2304.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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Have you seen the crisis team yet? You’ve had a rough time and losing children and loved ones is unbearable. I lost my son three months ago and I know how hard it is. You are bound to feel awful but I’ve been assured by the lovely people on here things gradually get better over time and it’s not a quick process. Time they say can be a great healer. I hope you get the help you need x

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Hi Sally,

My son Dan had Duchenne muscular dystrophy. When he was diagnosed at 6 we were told he wouldn’t survive his late teens/early 20s and the average age was 16. As he approached these ages we saw so many boys die and he kept going.
Every birthday and Christmas I would wonder if this was his last one but Dan was always so well. Suddenly in June his health started to deteriorate and he spent most of his time in bed. It was grim and every night I prayed to God to end his suffering by healing him. Instead Dan died on 15th November aged 33.
I wake up every morning to an empty house and today I had to go food shopping . I wanted to fall to my knees and scream at the pointlessness of it all. I saw all the things he’ll never eat or drink again. I want to die and be with him.
You can’t describe the pain to anyone who hasn’t lost a child. He was my baby, my everything and I don’t want to go on.
Friends have been a better help than family.
My head aches and my heart is smashed to smithereens.
The weather reflects how I feel. I dread the Spring and new growth.
I have no words to comfort you. All I can say is I understand your terrible pain. It is a cruel disease and knowing there still is no cure overwhelms me. We are in this together and you are not alone.

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It is in deed a sad world, when you see so many bad people never seem to get sick.My son fought to live at birth . Fought to to walk with cerebral palsy,then fought epilepsy and under active thyroid . He was doing well learning to be independent, then in April 2023 he started to get pains in hip and spine.At the hospital they diagnosed secondary bone cancer.After not being able to find primary,they said they found a small ulcer in the stomach? He died 17th July 2023 within three months aged 47, so unfair.
I do think they have to take so many medications, and the doctors do not seem to screen them very often. I too see things he would like, like fresh coconut which he loved.
We as parents were given these special children to love ,and I for one would give anything to have him back. Sending all my love to all us special parents :heart::heart::heart::broken_heart:

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I lost my 30 year old son in August and I know the pain and suffering you’re feeling all to well. I’ve been in a terrible state today where I didn’t want to go on. In the beginning the lovely people on here kept me going. They told me that I’d start feeling a little better with time and they were right. I occasionally have days where I cope a bit better . I’d give my life gladly to have my son alive and happy. My heart breaks for you and all the other mothers feeling this unbearable loss. I hate my life at the minute but hope for better days to come though the loss will never diminish xx

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