Oh Allen my heart aches for you what did we do to deserve so much grief it’s got to be our love that’s so strong for our partner , all I can say is if it had been me who died first I truly know my husband Tony would’ve have lasted more than a couple of days we were soulmates from day one that lasted 37 years now I have to try and carry on till we meet again
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I know how you are feeling as I also lost my most beautiful wife in May 2022. We were together for over sixty years and always it was “us” never me or you - I live with her in my heart every day and each day I talk to her she was my world. She was my only love so like you I am sometimes lost and a broken man. I am trying to take each day at a time and keeping close to family which is some comfort but coming home to an empty house and waking each morning without her is getting harder each time. Try to stay strong and take each day at a time as I do. Wishing you well. J
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I list my partner 14 weeks ago.totally lost…i got counselling through my work and being honest dont know if its helping i feel im going over and over the same thi g.i thonk the only thong that will help is time…love and hugs to all
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@Lin22
Nobody deserves this grief but sadly that is an inevitable aspect of human life, unless you go though life not caring about anybody and I for one would hate to have a life like that. We were lucky enough to have a level of love which makes losing our partner extra difficult and again, I would not change that, nor wish I had gone first and left him trying to cope with this pain. So, I’ll deal with it the best I can and be grateful for what I have had, which was better than many people ever have. 
Hugs xxx
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I cared for my husband for 35 years after a horrific car accident we had been married two years then with a one year old and a 5 week old but our love never faulted we
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We loved each other unconditionally xx
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@Deb5
hi Deb, have tried that a couple of times, it’s ok I guess, I just 
@Lin22
hi, had a lady ring up, think it was from Mind, I’m all over the place, she put me on the list, referred me on for a health course at local leisure centre and is going to write to Docs as I’m a mess, I hate leaving the house, cannot remember what I’m supposed to be doing, have a really stressful job and my wife bless her just to let me vent, get it off my chest but now she’s not there,
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@Allen2
Hi mate, you’re correct it takes someone whose been through it to help, everything is so hard, I remember having a health scare and was laughing about it as coping mechanism and the good lady said you’re not leaving me? I never realized time was so precious, I found the hardest bit was after all the running around, I like to keep busy, even worked all the time nipping out and them it’s over, the quiet hits you, I just want to sleep, I pray every night and just hope she will be there when my time comes, I know she would be so upset I’m upset, she always said she would haunt me, what I wouldn’t give just to know she’s ok
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@Stuey999
I asked my vicar how Richard could be at peace looking down on us being so distraught. We talked it through and in the end decided that since we are told to go to God as children, and my younger daughter with a learning disability is quite childlike. She doesn’t get as upset as her sister and I do as she lives in the moment so maybe it’s the child in her which makes it easier.
Also, what is months to us is the blink of an eye when you have eternity so for your wife your grief is just moments.
As for whether she is ok, have you ever heard anyone who had a near death experience saying it was horrible where they almost went? I have only heard of beauty, bright lights and loved ones coming to meet them. I spoke directly to someone who had this happen one time in the hospital I was working in and he said it was lovely.
Sending love to you.
xxx
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@Lin22 caring for your husband for all though years is so strong and resilient, showing deep unwavering love which is a great gift.
@Stuey999 in terms of being there there is a thread on this site about signs, that said i always have the philosophy i would not want my Linda to come back form a place of peace and contentment which i am sure all our soulmates are at as they where good people. The saddest point is as the say the " world is a worst place without them". I too did wonder if she is ok but take it by the silence she knows she does not need to visit me and i am actually better than she thought - so take it as a good sign.
@Johnh1 yes coming home to an empty house has been one of my next challenges of this widows life. I have tried to get myself into a routine , mornings put the radio on and in eve switch on tele for some noise, distraction, i have found my mood has been linked to not eating so if feeling down i try to get something to eat, even if not wanting it, as it boosts my mood. Being honest do miss the small talk banter.
@KarenF yes i have befriend the retired vicar who performed at my wife’s service as he lost his soulmate19 years ago and still misses her. He has been a rock in my understanding as i am agnostic. As talked to me about many examples he has witness after the loss of his wife and says there has to be more than this.
Keep us all safe and strange Bob Marley is playing now on the radio saying “Baby don’t worry about a think, Everything is going to be alright”
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Hi @KarenF. That’s something that’s crossed my mind too. How can David be at peace and happy? Will he not be missing us and unhappy that he’s had to leave us and the life that he found so fulfilling?
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@Allen2
Even using the laws of physics means that our souls must be somewhere. They do not lie within our bodies otherwise people would lose part of their soul when they undergo amputations. Energy and matter cannot be created or destroyed, only changed (conservation of energy / matter) so the souls of our loved ones must exist in some form somewhere.
xxx
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@KarenF as a scientist I completely agree with what you say about the interchange of energy and matter, Einstein’s equation relates both, which to transverse this barrier requires a huge amount of energy, so people on the other side will be in content existence until we are reunited with them. Hugs xx
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Aw yeh thats nice. But like my brother said , he is very involved with church - its probably harder for the ones left behind cos their heart is broken. And i agree with that xx
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@Allen2 Neither my wife not I were religious. We used to say to each other we were two ephemeral, partly sentient, carbon based life forms floating through existence and bound together by a strong force called emotional gravity. Our main purpose was to be happy and create further similar carbon based life forms for the future. In that scenario our molecular structure in our ashes may float around the universe occasionally colliding.
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Yeh each to his own 
but my brother was fantastic with my husband when he was really poorly … so it cant be all bad can it and i think leaving religion out of it , he was right - its hardest for the ones left behind …
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