From that moment you’re told or find out your loved one has passed away. (I was in a tiny room at the hospital when the Dr reappeared to tell me the worst, my Dad had passed away) life stops. The air is sucked out of the room & your lungs. I crumpled & sobbed like a baby. I wanted to see him, the Dr led me to his cubicle with the curtain round. His eyes were still open. I sobbed more. A nurse started saying something, can’t remember what. It’s lost in my maelstrom of a mind. 8 weeks have now passed & I’ve been battered by nausea, anxiety, anger for the hospital & myself. That constant presence of a weight in the stomach area, heavy & painful. That fear on waking when you realise it wasn’t a dream after all & this is your new reality forever. That horrible wretchedness when all around you are busy getting on with their lives & you want to scream “I’m grieving, can’t you see that?” The trust you had in life has now been eroded & you no longer feel anything. Life is now in the before & after & I hate it. To everyone experiencing all this, I’m sending my warmest wishes. Be strong or not cos that’s fine too. X
I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad, @Cee. Thank you for sharing this with us - you have really articulated what it feels like so well and I think your words will resonate with a lot of our members. Take good care and please keep reaching out - you are not alone. 
I am to part of this club that we didn’t want a part of and like you I lost my mum almost 8 weeks ago, why does it feel like it’s getting harder?
I’m so sorry you lost your dad, you think that they will live forever. I often feel like a lost little child since losing my Mum another feeling to add to the list.
I feel like life is pointless right now and wonder if I’ll ever get over it, I’m so upset that I feel like going into hospital, as if they have a cure to heal my sadness. What I mean is that I feel that sad it feels almost unbearable and I feel like grief is killing me 
So sorry you lost your Dad 
You have literally wrote there exactly how I feel & many more of us on here, sending lots of love xx
@PollyjaneW @Jess1 Thankyou for your replies & sorry for your losses. It does help having people who can relate. Grief brings out an array of emotions both physically & emotionally. It’s a pain like no other isn’t it. A deep reaching soul strangling pain that makes you question everyone & everything. You long for sleep because it’s the only place you’re not feeling anything. Look after yourselves & we will endeavour to get thru this because our loved ones wouldn’t want it any other way. X
I’m confused by the amount of sleep I’m having.
I seem to be the total opposite to a lot of people going through grief, I seem to sleep a lot and sometimes too much, i honestly don’t know how I do it but I think I do it to avoid the pain.
I actually feel physically exhausted with all the thinking and grief though.
@Jess1 my sleep is erratic. It’s either fitful, coma-like or non existent. You’re right tho, I think it’s the exhaustion that makes for a deeper sleep. Crying takes it out of a body or so it feels like. It’s like all the emotions of loss, disbelief & trying to make sense of your new life drain you. X
I’m so sorry about your dad @cee, you have described exactly how I’m feeling after having lot my mum on 27th March.
Thank you so much for sharing and let’s hope we can find some support on this wonderful site with people who actually understand how we feel, because nobody else seems to. I also feel mad at the world carrying on around me, it doesn’t seem right when we’re going through so much pain x
It’s weird cause when I’m asleep everything just shuts off, I seem to have lost my ability to dream as well no matter how much I long to dream about my beautiful mother, I wonder if my mind shuts off to protect me 
@Jess1 I think that’s probably what it is Jess, your mind has gone into protection mode at the moment as you try to process what has happened.
In time, the dreams will come back though and you will be able to see all of the good times you shared with your lovely mum x
@Lucy7 sorry to hear about your mum. I’m about the same distance as you on the bereavement journey. Some days it seems like yesterday & others it feels like I haven’t seen him for months. You’re right about being mad at the world for carrying on when we’re in a kind of bereavement bubble. The first Spring without my dad plus all those other firsts I’m dreading, particularly Father’s Day. X
10 weeks today my life changed forever. 10 weeks of learning to navigate a new course. I still can’t believe or accept this new path. I’m haunted by your last moments, seeing you in death & visiting the chapel of rest to say one last goodbye. Grief is a pain all of its own. I weep more for my mum as her life went hand in hand with yours. That person she chose & invested in…. I hope others on their own journey of mourning know they’re not alone. Xx
So sorry you are feeling like this. Grief is such a horrible, unrelenting pain. Please know I’m thinking of you and feel free to post anytime you want to, I’m always here to listen x
@Lucy7 Only just noticed your msg. Thx for that & the words you wrote. Much appreciated X